Cat Litter Aphrodisiac Shoplifting Crime Wave

Shoplifting cat litter

As you can see, supermarkets are aware of the problem!

The Cat litter crime wave goes on.

This time it is Sevenoaks, where will it be tomorrow?

Police are asking members of the public to be vigilant, but supermarkets are also trying to deter thieves from stealing cat litter.

Gangs have been pulling bags of Cat-San and other leading brands off the shelves, shoving them up their jumpers and running out of supermarkets across the nation…nay The World!

Howver in some cases it looks as though the warnings are not being heeded.

Cat litter, a substance revered as an aphrodisiac in the far east, can command a high price on the black market and as such is worth the risk according to those thieves caught in the act.

Cat litter addiction ‘Litter Picking’ can destroy your life!

“I can’t eat, my mother exploded last month, the house is made of horse hair … how am I supposed to buy Bollinger, answer me that?” Growled Matthew Ontpass, currently serving ten years for litter picking.

He went on to say that it was worth the risk, and that prison wasn’t so bad however he complained about his mistreatment at the hands of prison officers having had his request for shower gel turned down again.

Aphrodisac abuse is on the up and up, competition is stiff, perpetrators are hard to find, and the effects wear of quickly leaving the user flaccid, depressed and questioning their own existence.

Ram-Raid Gang steals 200 bags of Cat San!

A supermarket in Basingstoke was ram-raided earlier this week and over two hundred bags of a leading brand of cat litter were stolen.

By now it’ll be on the black market or chemically enhancing the sex-lives of failing marriages and Z-list porn stars and across the UK.

Cat litter really is destroying society.

so if you happen to see a group of kids on a street corner with a bag of Cat-San or other leading brands of cat litter, back away without looking suspicious and call 999!

Posted by on March 5, 2013. Filed under Haddock Animals, Haddock Culture, Haddock UK. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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