British Tear Gas?Rubber Bullets? in the Middle East? Preposterous!!

Tear Gas used by government forces in the recent riots in Egypt, Beirut and Bahrain is definitely not British according to the Government. There were fears that the gas which causes irritation of the eyes and sinuses was bought from the UK.

“No, it’s not ours,” said Hoots Mcloud, Official  Tear Gas taster to the court of St. James, drawing a breath of the morning air in Bahrain today. “Wrong bouquet you see, British chlorobenzylidenemalononitrile smells of tea and the inside of pillar boxes, but this is something different … might be Syrian, definitely top notes of Kibbeh and black Olives with a hint of WMDA. Or Greek perhaps, yes, Greek, the 81 vintage I think.”

There are also reports that Rubber Bullets used to control the crowds are also definitely not of British origin.

Ace Reporter Mark Gregory sent us this report:

Following the recent civil unrest in Bahrain, Foreign Secretary, William Hague made a brief statement. He confirmed that there was no evidence to suggest that the rubber bullets and live rounds used were made in Britain. He also stated that there would be a review of future arms sales to Bahrain.

Although six people were killed in the unrest, Hague said ‘the fact they didn’t use ammo from the UK’ makes everything all right.

He went on to say “we were given a big promise by an important looking man in a suit when we sold them munitions that they would probably never use them anyway and just lock them away in a big cupboard and forget about them.  Either that or they would be used to prop up uneven tables or something. The fact that they have actually used them to kill people means that they told us massive fibs and we’ll be really a lot more careful next time.

Hague was unable to comment on what happens to stuff like nuclear waste from Sellafield that is supposed to go back on a ship to Japan and all that.

There you have it!