2 Chainz “Furiously Disappointed” Over Birthday Gifts

"Who's getting a big booty hoe? This-mu-fucka-right-here!!" -2 Chainz, moments before receiving his presents

“Who’s getting a big booty hoe? This-mu-fucka-right-here!!” -2 Chainz, moments before receiving his presents

“I HAD ONE THING THAT I WANTED. ONE! DAMN! THING!”

The American rapper 2 Chainz made his most desired birthday present expressly apparent on his single “Birthday Song: A Song About the One and Only Thing I Want for My Birthday (Which is September 12th)” Unfortunately for Mr. Chainz, it seems that none of his immediate family members actually listen to the music that he makes.

“Is a Star Wars Lego Playset a big booty hoe, Aunt Rita?!” screamed the rapper as he stomped around the living room of his grandmother’s home where his birthday celebration was being held. “A Yo Gabba Gabba Snuggie is not a big booty hoe, Crystal! A protractor and compass set Mom?! The only good thing I got is the Rick James poster, so thank you Uncle Gerald, but even THAT is not a big booty hoe!!” The rapper then knocked over a cup of juice, but luckily it missed the carpet and landed on the hardwood.

2 Chainz was eventually calmed down by the arrival of the Carvel ice cream cake. After having a piece and expressing his enjoyment for the Oreo crumbles, Chainz made an effort to apologize for his behavior:

“I’m sorry, but this is the one year that I actually asked for something. I’m usually the easiest person to shop for! I mean damn it man, she was supposed to have a big booty! Guess what I would’ve called her!”

2 Chainz declined to give an official statement directly to Haddock News, but a white guy in a suit who is associated with the rapper in some way claims that Chainz “has no hard feelings towards his relatives,” and is “really, really hoping that his track ‘Christmas Song’ more accurately portrays his desired gifting directive.”