By J. Craig Melia
David Cameron today announced the creation of a massive National-defence Orbital Battle Station designed to enforce law and order throughout London during this years Olympic Games.
“The UK Government has made the delivery of a safe and secure 2012 Olympic Games a paramount objective. There will be a full level of multilayered defence and deterrence for the London Games, which will include the orbiting DeathStar.”
The basic structure of the station will be a sphere the size of a small moon, with a diameter of 160 kilometers, possessing firepower unequaled in the history of security as well as features such as a kilometer-wide trench containing docking bays running around its equator and an ill-conceived exposed thermal exhaust port.
It is hoped that the cost of the additional staff for the huge orbiting station will be found from within existing contingency funds.
Government spokesmen are keen to point out that the development and running costs can be offset by the ongoing usefullness of the DeathStar, which they believe can be utilised effectively in a number of other situations.
Indeed many within the Conservative Party believe that the looming, ominous shadow of the station influenced Boris Johnson’s recent victory in the London Mayoral Elections.
Nevertheless there has been some criticism about the security measures taken by the government.
“If any terrorist organisation have obtained a complete technical readout of this station, it is possible, however unlikely, that they might find a weakness, and exploit it,” warned Rebel Alliance Leader Ed “Ackbar” Miliband.
London 2012 chairman, Lord Coe, however believes that the massive orbital weapon of mass destruction would not be overbearing and enable visitors to London to be mindful of the need for placcidly watching the events without the need for brutal and lethal force.
A large-scale exercise to test the Death Star’s contribution to the Olympics security effort is expected to take place later this week with the target a undisclosed Scottish City.