Adele to Captain Australian Cricket Team

British Pop sensation Adele is said to be thrilled with the decision to make her captain of the Australian Cricket team. The announcement was made shortly after the retirement of former captain Ricky Ponting.

Some might be surprised about the decision because unlike her predecessor she is neither male, Australian nor a cricketer, three key requirements for the job prior to her appointment. However the Australian selectors believe that the team need a bit of a shake up and their spokesman had this to say on the subject of experience and nationality.

“Doesn’t seem to be an issue with the English Team. They’ve been employing non-English non-cricketers for years, so now it’s our turn!” he said.

The singer will cut short her album tour and head down under in the next couple of months to begin intense training with the squad. When challenged about her suitability for the role she defended it.

“You try and get a ball past me!” she laughed.

It is expected that training will involve singing, breathing exercises and waving of the hand in front of the face whilst warbling falsetto. In this way the team will be able to develop a secret weapon known as ‘sonic sledging’ which uses high pitch sounds to shatter stumps, balls and cricket boxes. This technique has been tested in America with Dolphins but so far efforts to teach Dolphins to play cricket have been unsuccessful.

Suggestions that her multi platinum album sales would help with ticket receipts were dismissed as a mere side effect of her appointment.