Al Gore to be Unplugged and Placed in Storage

Al Gore

After repeated malfunctions over the last two decades, it has been decided by political string-pullers that Al Gore should be turned off and stashed away in a secret underground facility. It is undetermined weather he will be repaired and placed back into the former-politician propaganda circuit, or simply dismantled.

 

“We have no current use for him, and he was due for routine maintenance anyhow,” stated an unknownWashingtoninsider. “Frankly, the last 12 years have been an embarrassment to our agenda, which is to destroy the United States, and force everyone to serve our overlords in the underground mines of…” The insider was dragged away by Secret Service and shoved into an unmarked limo before finishing his statement.

 

Since losing the ‘00 election to George W. Bush, Gore has fulfilled his spotlight-need by campaigning for a cleaner, ecological world through personal sacrifice, so long as his own extravagant lifestyle is not compromised.

 

At a recent rally against Global Warming, the Ex-Vice President (after crediting himself for the invention of PowerPoint) presented a slide presentation showing a photograph of a snow covered, New England landscape juxtaposed by one showing the same scene during a drought in mid July. He claimed that, at this rate, the Earth will be nothing more than a lifeless sphere of boiling lava by the year’s end. This triggered a riot among the college-aged crowd, many thought to be experiencing drug induced hallucinations. Several SUVs were tipped over, included one belonging to Gore himself. During this time, wife Tipper Gore was speaking to an enthusiastic crowd of middle-aged mothers, rallying to burn all non Oprah-approved books and magazines. She had left the SUV doubled parked and idling.

 

During his final breakfast, Al Gore made sure to note that he invented the toaster and was, ‘eating toast LONG before my colleagues.’ He then stared at the wall for several hours without blinking.

 

In related news, it was noted that, after locked in the facility for several years, a recently refurbished Pat Buchanan may be rotated back into the political arena to provide the needed homophobic and anti-Semitic remarks to discredit the ‘Tea Party’ movement.