Al-Qaeda asks ISIS to stop taking credit for their Attacks

"Hey! We have child soldier too ya know!" -Al-Qaeda

“Hey! We have child soldier too ya know!” -Al-Qaeda

On Monday, a pair of puss-filled fuck-canals in Texas tried to shoot some people for drawing pictures they didn’t like. Unlike a similar assault in France earlier this year, these consummate turd swallowers were unable to meet their objective.

They managed to shoot a dude in the leg. That is the equivalent of a mosquito bite in Texas.

Regardless of this abject failure by mush-brained troglodytes, extremist group ISIS was quick to piggyback the attack, claiming responsibility for the violence. However, new information suggests it wasn’t actually ISIS that planned the attack, but an Al-Qaeda subdivision know as The Khanzier.

Though the two groups agree on some things (like the downfall of human civilization and the good merits of rape), they clash often, fighting in Syria, Iraq, and on Twitter. The Khanzier have asked Al Qaeda leadership to send ISIS a strongly worded letter asking them to cease in claiming tragedies they had no actual part in.

ISIS responded cryptically: “You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me.”

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

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