American Super-cancer finally topples Hugo Chavez!

Another victim of drive-by cancering.

Another victim of drive-by cancering.

It is truly a day of some kind in Venezuela: Hugo Chavez has died. Many are greatly saddened, many are quite pleased. But one thing that everyone in Venezuela can agree on is the fact that the deceased president Chavez’s illness was cast upon him by the United States government with wizard power and the George Bush weather machine.

Vice president Nicholas Maduro took to Venezuelan state television an hour after the president’s passing to confirm that the American Imperialist Virus (AIV-1) was the fallen leader’s official cause of death.

“It is true, our glorious leader Hugo Chavez has succumbed to the creeping hand of the Imperialist Cancer battalion.” Stated a solemn Maduro. “But fear not; we vow that his replacement will be equally communist, equally hateful towards America, and equally qualified to represent the LBC.” The late president was a big Sublime fan, apparently.

It is believed that top-ranking US military officials used powerful wizardry to conjure the deadly attack. After being perfected in a lab deep below the Pentagon, the AIV-1 contagion was rained down upon the innocent and unsuspecting Venezuelan president via tradewinds created by the George W. Bush Weather Machine known as “The Katrinanator.”

The news has prompted North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un to renounce his friendship to American basketball player Dennis Rodman over concerns regarding Mr. Rodman’s strange, cancer-administering-like behavior at a dinner during his visit to the country.

And to think, less than a year ago he was a simple wood-worker with a red streak. Peace Hugo: we’re sure you were very proud of yourself.

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