A pet living in Barnsley may have become the first clairvoyant fish due to a bang on the head. Prize winning goldfish “Alfonso Spherical-Conquistador Covent Garden Princess Bathsheba III” or “Alfie” for short, has, it is claimed by his owner, a memory so short that it is in fact able to see into the future. Blessed with the usual 15 seconds of memory at birth, the fish apparently lost this facility completely after sustaining a hammer wound. Now his owner, Bill Spodge, is convinced the animal can in fact see events before they happen.
“It just bloody know’s stuff … you know … it just does stuff as if it knew … how would it know? It’s a bloody goldfish … they don’t know nowt!” he said today.
When The Haddock asked for some evidence of these powers Mr Spodge was glad to oblige. Disappearing into the cellar he emerged moments later brandishing a large hammer and running towards the fish tank with it he roared a terrifying war cry. By the time he go there the fish was nowhere in site having taken cover behind a plastic treasure chest.
“See!” shouted Mr Spode victoriously. “He knew I was gonna do that!”