Annie Briated: The BLING’S Speech!

Introducing: Annie Briated (Smashed Ranting Harridan)

Whilst I agree that all MP’s who have broken the law by flaunting their expenses should dually be marched naked out of the house of commons and forced to sell ice creams to the public during winter whilst a rottweiler tears into their genitals .. I think the whole affair highlights the fact that Parliament is packed to the rafters with weak and incompetent good-for-nothings. The reason for this, I think, is that the wages are so poor. What we should do is clear out the current crop of dim-wits and then advertise the job of PM with a huge salary. That way you might end up attracting someone decent to the job. People vote for the first socially inept and haircuttedly-challenged loon who turns up on their doorstep because they have little choice and would rather watch East Enders than talk to a political candidate. But with wages less than a legal associate, who but a lunatic is going to take the job on? If I were to face the risk of public humiliation, press intrusion and abuse which stems from towing the party line by defending ineffective and diluted policies which never seem to make the least bit of difference, I’d want a ton of cash for it. What kind of a world are we living in where Wonathan Woss earns ten times more than the head of the country? It’s an awful job, with huge responsibility, and in recent times, anyone with any sense steers well clear of it. Good God, you might be asked to fire a nuclear missile or start a war…for  £130 grand a year??? Are we insane? Who would do that job for such a wage?  All the true captains of industry and society are far too clever to waste their time in a dead end job like Prime Minister. I say it’s time to stop, it’s time for financial transparency yes, but it’s also time that the head of the country was the best person we have, not some overlooked, overweight dullard who just fell into the job because his buddy realised it was time to get out before the whole thing collapsed! Or an Etonian Fopp who knows about as much about my life as I do about sixth form shower etiquette! I want to see bling at number ten! Two jags? What about four Bentleys? Lets have Branson, lets have Peter Jones, come on… lets have a Dragon in for PM… And get drunk! Lots! All the time! Oh look I’ve lost my keys … and my morals … must have left them both at the bar.