Anthony Redunt: How to Get Fired Before 9.10am!

Disrobing just outside the revolving doors I ran into the office naked and having skipped into the lift before security could grab me I made it to my desk onto which I promptly did a poo! By this time security had arrived on the third floor and were hot on my trail. I barely had time to send a firm wide email containing seven instances of the  ‘C’ word before taking the fire escape seventh floor canteen where I serenaded those present with an air guitar version of ‘God Save The Queen’ by the Sex Pistols. Security then arrived leaving me only seconds to slip two bagels onto my penis and head for the lifts which I shared with a group of university students on work experience. Running out of the building I hurdled the turnstiles and tore my scrotum in the process. Seconds later I made it back to the place where I had hidden my clothes, dressed rapidly and then, using the security entrance at the back, strolled casually back into the office. Stopping only to draw breasts and moustaches on the motivational posters in the boardroom I returned to my desk. The feces had by now been removed
by the cleaners whom I found swabbing my keyboard with cotton buds. It was 9.08 and I still had a job. In desperation I phoned in a bomb threat and then decked the nearest person  … AND THAT’S WHEN THE TROUBLE STARTED…