Are we doing enough for our Anacondas?

On August 7th, 1992 Sir Mix-A-Lot delivered his monumental “Baby Got Back” address to the European Union. Like the Churchills and Mandelas before him, Mix-A-Lot’s speech was pointed with lines of great impact. Speaking on behalf of his reptilian constituency, Mix-A-Lot proclaimed in a mighty roar: “My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon!”

Fishi Minaj: Anaconda Advocate

Fishi Minaj: Anaconda Advocate

Thunderous Applause; Single Rolling Tear

To mark the anniversary of this great human achievement, rapper/sex robot Nicki Minaj has released a song called “Anaconda” in which Mix-A-Lot’s famous words are repeated in full. If you listen to it long enough, saltwater taffy will begin oozing out of your ear canals.

Clearly we know what Sir Mix-A-Lot’s anaconda is partial to: buns. French buns. Hot dog buns. Buns of Steel. If buns are excluded from any given situation, the anaconda in question will have no part of it. It’s A Bunderful Life.

But is this the sentiment of all anacondas? Surely not. And as all anacondas are unique and special reptilian beings, it important to look to the deeper meaning in Sir Mix-A-Lot’s brilliant lyricism. You must ask yourself: Am I doing everything I can for the care and comfort of my own anaconda?

Here are a few small tips that can make a big difference:

1. Variety – Anacondas need a variety of exposure to assess their individual preferences. Many anacondas do enjoy buns, but some like cantaloupes. Some are partial to bratwurst, and others just like big old boxes of popcorn. The more you try, the more in touch one may become with their anacondas unique proclivities.
2. Bonding – Achieving oneness with the anaconda is truly its own reward. Sir Mix-A-Lot knew the value of his own anaconda, which is clear in his poetry. Could you write a song that eloquent about your anaconda?
3. Safety – Always bubblewrap your anaconda.

Establish a lasting connection to the special anaconda in your life, and may it last as long as Sir Mix-A-Lot’s career.

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

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