One can only imagine the scene when bailiffs Jake Barker and Gavin Sloat who had been called to number fourteen crumbley street New Cross, were confronted by two men wearing pyjamas and carrying what appeared to be the lost Ark of the Covenant across their front lawn to a blue transit van parked upon a nearby yellow line.
“At first we fought it was a cat basket” said Gary who became a bailiff after failing all his exams and hospitalising his English teacher with a hole punch.
“Yeah and then we fought it was a toaster,” added Jake who used to be Gary’s English teacher until an incident with a hole punch left him unable to remember who Keats was.
It was not until the van, its owners, and a weapon used by God to incinerate heathens turned up at New Cross police station after a ‘fire incident’ that the truth was discovered.
At first the owners denied all knowledge of where the arc had come from, but later they admitted the they were in fact out of work Templars who had been living at the address since being thrown out of the army after the sacking of Jerusalem in 1099.
The men have been released on bail and the bailiffs received compensation for shock and third degree burns.
The arc meanwhile has been taken to a secret research facility in Berkshire where it is being looked at by ‘Top Men’.