‘Subjects forced to drink a glass of athlete’s piss before each meal demonstrated a significant drop in calorific intake as a result and therefore lost weight.’ Said Dr David Wilkes of the Utah dietary research unit at a press conference yesterday.
It has long been surmised that athlete’s urine keeps working once they have finished doing great feats and therefore ingesting it would be like delegating a workout to someone else.
The French used to eat the turds of lion tamers an weight lifters…we’re not sure what that’s got do with anything but anyway.
Dr Wilkes dismissed suggestions from his critics that the test subjects were simply incapable of facing breakfast when their mouths tasted of piss by pointing out that many women enjoy a sandwich after blowing off their partner.
Haddock news ace reporter Fairfax Hake delved deeper into this story by sleeping with a number of fallen women and submerging his testicles into an ashtray full of monkey sweat and, rather surprisingly, he discovered that sandwiches do indeed taste better after oral sex.
He was also able to establish that Dr Wilkes had attempted to publish a book last year entitled ‘Eating food that tastes like shit will stop you eating and make you thin’ but failed…at the first hurdle.
Quite apart from all these well documented facts; athlete’s piss is notoriously hard to acquire and you often end up being bummed when trying to steal it.
So just go for a run and stop eating shit!