It looks like the Australian Sporting drugs scandal is just the tip of the iceberg.
For years Australian athletes have been some of the worlds best.
This is due, in no small part, to the fact that the swimmers have to be able to out swim sharks, the runners must be able to avoid snakes, spiders and killer wombat-lizard men and, of course, there are dingos.
However, in recent years it has become harder and harder win at sport.
In some ways this is because the world is becoming a fairer place and so Africans, who everybody knows are fitter and stronger than everybody else, are finally getting a look in.
But also the training is better, the kit is better, the prize money is huge and the drugs are harder to detect.
So lots of people are taking drugs…and it looks like they’re going to get caught!
But there is a darker side to Australian sport.
A seedy, bestial, surgical frankinsteinesque side which has created some of the most abominable sportsmen and women every known.
Frank Taylor, who recently beat the world long-jump, high-jump, triple-jump and bungee-jump record was drugs tested and found to be clean.
But later that day a sneaky journalist took his photo in the changing rooms.
“Well, I was hoping to get a shot of his ass but he’s got Kangaroo Legs!” Said the un-named journalist who works for ‘Sports cock’n’fanny’ a little known sportporn publication.
The photo’s, which have been passed onto the IOC and other sporting authorities have been varified.
Frank Taylor has the legs of a kangaroo!
But it doesn’t stop there…Wayne Pecky of Townsville was found to have a shark’s tail sewn onto the end of one of his legs, and Becky Pitt from Melbourne has a Dingo attached to each knee!
“It’s utterly unscrupulous!” Said Bruce Mailer from the Australian anti-doping team.
“They’re breaking the rules and we can’t touch them because they’re clean! Just bad bad sportsmanship!” He wailed.
If you suspect any sports personalities in your neighbourhood to be sewing animal parts to their bodies, please call The Haddock and we’ll come down and take a photo!