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Bennet Vindushali
Stories written by Bennet
If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio
God of War 4: Is Kratos the Trans hero we need in 2018?

God of War 4: Is Kratos the Trans hero we need in 2018?

God of War 4 is everything a good game should be: smart, fun, gorgeous to look at, and a big party for people who enjoy blood on their tongues. I have blood under my fingernails right now, and I haven’t even played the game. That should tell you something, though I don’t know what that […]

Celebrities Refuse to Stop Dancing on Television

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Gallagher. Noam Chomsky. When you think of someone you’d enjoy in a dance routine, which name springs to mind first? Exactly. Yet somehow these people continue to mambo their way across broadcast television, because the brimstone of eternal nothingness burns brightest on ABC, the family network reanimates zoo animals in test laboratories. And […]

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Trump Supporters Ready for Kanye 2020

There are people who really like Donald Trump. So much so that no matter what he does, they can figure out a way to justify and support his actions. They sleep well at night, and drink milk through straws. Mental gymnastics are impressive, and god doesn’t exist. That all squared, let’s talk about Kanye West. […]

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Get Surgery to make you American! Trump tells Immigrants.

Donald Trump said today that altering their features surgically would turn Immigrants into good God-fearing Americans thus solving lots of problems and saving the money that would have been spent on the Mexican Wall. The idea is to surgically make everyone the same, and therefore do away with the concept of anything being international at […]

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Female guard fails Prison Break reenactment; doesn’t look enough like Sarah Wayne Callies

Prison Breaking News! New information has surfaced regarding the motives of Joyce Mitchell, the female corrections officer suspected of aiding in the escape of two convicted murderers in New York state. Mitchell has confirmed that just after the sexual relations and having her husband killed, her primary motivation for conspiring with the men was an […]

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Congress considers bill to feed the Homeless to Wolves

For years, there have been people all over the world that live without homes. They are often referred to as “homeless.” Some people think that the homeless should be helped, fed, clothed, and tickled by the more fortunate of society. Others believe that they should be fed to wolves. A recently proposed bill will see […]

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Organ donor card found in Wisconsin Mixed Grill

Diner gets Organ he bargained for! Milwaukee Wisconsin, 2am last Saturday, truck driver Sam Chenzek sits down to a plate of fried offal at Meg’s Diner. Halfway through a curiously large pigs kidney he bites down on something hard. Reaching inside his mouth he pulls out a charred but recognisable piece of an organ donor card […]

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Al-Qaeda asks ISIS to stop taking credit for their Attacks

On Monday, a pair of puss-filled fuck-canals in Texas tried to shoot some people for drawing pictures they didn’t like. Unlike a similar assault in France earlier this year, these consummate turd swallowers were unable to meet their objective. They managed to shoot a dude in the leg. That is the equivalent of a mosquito […]

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Donald Trump: “I don’t believe anyone was born in the United States”

After a long, meaningless pursuit of president Barack Obama’s birth certificate, Donald Trump dunked his head in Elmer’s glue. He then rolled around in a dog kennel, and went to John Boehner’s tanning salon. After that he had a ate lobster from the asshole of a Greek god, and somehow managed to sire one of […]

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Laser Owl is NOT to blame for attacks on Dutch village!

Impostor! As we all know, Laser Owl is a hero. He shoots lasers from his eyes, and he can stop all bad things from happening. The stoic, graceful bird has saved Valentine’s Day from the Hallmark Corporation, defeated the TupperWarewolf, and even beat president Barack Obama in a spirited game of table tennis. He is […]

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