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The 5-Minute Power Hour (Pilot Episode)

  It’s a regular day at the office for Haddock News: the credits are attacking, the anchors are boozing, and the nuns are tasing men in the genitals. Bernard weathers his usual on-air midlife crisis, Bennet is not involved in the theft of a complete brontosaurus skeleton, and Dr. Swivel offers insightful commentary on America’s […]

While this transmission does not contain an ancient wind spirit with the power to raise the dead, it does introduce our third anchor: the dreamy-eyed deviant, ambiguous androgynous dreamboat, Dr. Johannesburg Swivel. Fall in love with your carnal instincts all over again. The broadcast also provides handy tips for Metric conversions while inside the mouth […]

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Sentient Lego men make buildings from blocks of human flesh!

Lego people live in a world made of body parts! Ever wondered how it must feel for Lego people, living in a world made from the same stuff as their own body parts? They could, at any given moment, be pulled in half and dismembered, their head swapped for that of a snake…while their own dismembered head […]

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A long time ago, a dude named Moses parted the Red Sea. Not to be outdone, Jon Stewart’s cooking up a red tide of his own, leaving The Daily Show in pursuit of comedy through basic biological function. Also, Australia decides that maps are for cunts and crashes the Eurovision Song Contest! Err…just “The Song […]

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How attractive are you? Not enough, claims a new study released by the Austrian Aesthetics Consortium. But there is certainly hope for you and your ugliness; Haddock News lead anchor Bernard Floater gives you all you need to know about coping with your condition! There’s a funny bit about Bob Dylan too. Baron HaddockMore Posts

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Bernard Floater has refused to accept Alyson Stoner’s challenge to a hip-hop dance battle. He does not believe she’s improved much since her stint in Missy Elliot’s music videos, and as such, is not worth his time. Instead, he has elected to do…this. Baron HaddockMore Posts

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Woman Rapes Cat Sprayed with Lynx Deodorant

‘I just don’t know what came over me!’ is most likely what the cat would have said if cats could speak. Barry, a Persian cat from Hove is recovering in hospital today after being sexually assaulted by a woman. The woman, who will remain nameless, is helping police with their inquiries but is not expected to face […]

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America sectioned under the mental health act

USA is Certifiable The UN council unanimously voted to have America sectioned under the mental health act. As of tomorrow the entire country will be known as ‘That Mental bloke’ and treated with deep suspicion by other more sane countries. The Mexican delegation said that America was so mad that starving drug mules who live […]

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Lip stick Yeti’s asking for it!

Climber was led on by Yeti Unconfirmed reports from a local newspaper in Nepal suggest that a climber who had sex with a yeti during an in the foothills of Mount Everest yesterday afternoon was led on by the animal. The female yeti, believed to be around seven foot tall, was encountered by a group of […]

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VIBADGER – Badgers on Viagra to fight back against the cull!

Badgers on Viagra! Wildlife campaigners have been giving badgers Viagra pills to help them remain erect longer and do more shagging, in this way they are expected to make more badgers to replace those killed in the (Bovine TB) cull. The animals, who are unused to being erect for long periods of time have had […]

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