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Referendum on UKIP Splitting from the Civilised World

Referendum on UKIP Splitting from the Civilised World

Should UKIP be split from the entire planet? Once again the public are to be asked a big question that they probably don’t understand and have been fed months of misinformation about. It’s a big responsibility. This time it’s simple; UKIP in our out of the world? If the answer is a resounding YES then […]

Old Man Accepts his Penis is only for Peeing now!

My Penis is only for peeing, I have wanked my last! An old man living in London admitted today that from now on his penis would only be for peeing and nothing else. Last night, he masturbated for the very last time and reported that it was ‘an average one’ which is a sad end […]

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Mid-Life Crisis Dad fails Grade One Piano Again

Give up, grade one is for kids you dick A thirty something dad from Rutland has failed piano grade one at the 8th time of asking. His mid-life crisis journey to failure began four years ago when he decided that he must achieve some of his dreams or resign himself to being a suburban nobody. […]

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Dignitas Clinic offers ‘Death by Mason Ramsey Yodelling’

Death by Yodelling just became a thing Executioners at the famous Dignitas assisted suicide clinic in Switzerland were so impressed by Mason Ramsey’s Yodelling that they are now proud to offer it as a way to die. Using rats, they discovered that prolonged exposure to Mason’s new single could drive even the most stable and […]

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French label ‘Raspberry Beret’ as Cultural Appropriation

Raspberry Beret degrades the French Prince single Raspberry Beret, a huge hit in the 1980’s has now been recognised for what it really is; utterly racist and degrading to the French! ‘The French wear berets and anyone else who does is an evil racist bastard, that goes for stripy tops, strings of onions and little […]

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Amber Rudd sent to the West Indies thanks to Magna Carta footnote!

Amber Rudd surrenders passport Departing home secretary Amber Rudd has been deported to the West Indies thanks to a thousand year old unread memo. Mrs Rudd who had barely packed up her things into a cardboard box was detained by police and customs officials as she left her office yesterday and driven to the airport […]

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China expels all Western Cartoon Characters starting with Peppa Pig

Peppa Pig is too happy for China. Peppa pig is the first high profile cartoon character to be arrested, questioned, charged with ‘spreading happiness’, and expelled from China. Peppa is said to be unhurt but but badly shaken by the experience and her little brother George has had his favourite dinosaur confiscated which has left […]

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Organised Bag Lady ‘ring’ blamed for Pacific plastic problem

You evil old cow! ‘Fuck you! You bastards’ said Millicent Frottage, a septuagenarian bag lady from Bedfordshire. This is the only thing she’s said since her arrest earlier this week and she’s said it to all sorts of people, including a bishop. ‘You evil old cow’ said police chief Bently Tibbert in response to her. […]

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Impotent panda develops dangerous Hentai addiction

Panda ‘Wank-Coma’ caused by Japanese Sex Cartoons Woo Woo, a giant panda housed at Cincinnati zoo has developed a full scale addiction to Japanese Hentai sex cartoons after they were made available to him in a failed attempt to raise his libido. However his obsession with the movies led to an incident last Thursday when […]

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Couple name their child after cake-eating beheaded French tyrant

They named their son after a pillock Louis, the traditional name of French kings, has been given the new son of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. The last king with that name was Louis XVI who had his head cut off after his fat wife made cake jokes about some local angry types. In […]

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