Home » Entries posted by Baron Haddock (Page 2)
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Woman Rapes Cat Sprayed with Lynx Deodorant

‘I just don’t know what came over me!’ is most likely what the cat would have said if cats could speak. Barry, a Persian cat from Hove is recovering in hospital today after being sexually assaulted by a woman. The woman, who will remain nameless, is helping police with their inquiries but is not expected to face […]

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America sectioned under the mental health act

USA is Certifiable The UN council unanimously voted to have America sectioned under the mental health act. As of tomorrow the entire country will be known as ‘That Mental bloke’ and treated with deep suspicion by other more sane countries. The Mexican delegation said that America was so mad that starving drug mules who live […]

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Climber ‘Lipstick Yeti’ Sex Encounter

Climber was led on by Yeti Unconfirmed reports from a local newspaper in Nepal suggest that a climber who had sex with a yeti during an in the foothills of Mount Everest yesterday afternoon was led on by the animal. The female yeti, believed to be around seven foot tall, was encountered by a group of […]

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VIBADGER – Badgers on Viagra to fight back against the cull!

Badgers on Viagra! Wildlife campaigners have been giving badgers Viagra pills to help them remain erect longer and do more shagging, in this way they are expected to make more badgers to replace those killed in the (Bovine TB) cull. The animals, who are unused to being erect for long periods of time have had […]

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David Moyes to replace Nick Clegg

David Moyes doesn’t understand politics – Perfect! David Moyes has been kicked out of Manchester United because he apparently doesn’t understand his job, Nick Clegg is still leader of the Liberal Democrats despite being in exactly the same predicament. Vince Cable has hit upon a plan to gently removed the confused little imp from power […]

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CNN refuse to print any more Good News!

Good News must CNN-End If we are to believe that the newspaper industry is dying then it must also to be true that the sensationalist bastards who run most of it will do anything to keep it alive and CNN is no exception. ‘It just doesn’t sell papers’ said one insider. ‘Nobody gives a shit […]

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Bacteria are Shit and they know we can’t see them!

Bacteria are a bit shit! Scientists announced today that bacteria are aware that we cannot see them and this is why they are both badly behaved and ugly. Larger animals know we are judging them and try not to behave too badly when we’re around but for bacteria and other single celled organisms it’s just […]

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Spain Bombarded by Immigrants fired from Medieval Siege Engines!

Illegal Immigration by Siege Engines Spanish Immigration officials are congregating in the tiny Spanish town of Tarifa at the country’s most southerly point holding blankets. Why are they standing on the beach holding blankets? They’re catching illegal immigrants. However, the blankets are not to warm up brave swimmers who have managed to paddle their way […]

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The ‘League of Dick Shaped Islands’ welcomes its Newest Member!

The League of Dick Shaped Islands (LDSI), a body who represent the inhabitants of all tracts of land surrounded by water that resemble male genitalia, are proud to welcome their newest member Bering Island a small lonely island in the Bering Sea. Bering Island is 56 miles long, 15 miles wide and is shaped like […]

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Geologists Say Scottish Independence is Unlikely

In order to allow Scotland to separate fully from England an earthquake of unparalleled magnitude would be required. Despite his considerable size, even if you were to drop Alex Salmond from the edge of the atmosphere and he collided exactly with the border it would only provide 17%  of the fifty million kilotons of energy required to divide the […]

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