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David Moyes to replace Nick Clegg

David Moyes doesn’t understand politics – Perfect! David Moyes has been kicked out of Manchester United because he apparently doesn’t understand his job, Nick Clegg is still leader of the Liberal Democrats despite being in exactly the same predicament. Vince Cable has hit upon a plan to gently removed the confused little imp from power […]

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CNN refuse to print any more Good News!

Good News must CNN-End If we are to believe that the newspaper industry is dying then it must also to be true that the sensationalist bastards who run most of it will do anything to keep it alive and CNN is no exception. ‘It just doesn’t sell papers’ said one insider. ‘Nobody gives a shit […]

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Bacteria are Shit and they know we can’t see them!

Bacteria are a bit shit! Scientists announced today that bacteria are aware that we cannot see them and this is why they are both badly behaved and ugly. Larger animals know we are judging them and try not to behave too badly when we’re around but for bacteria and other single celled organisms it’s just […]

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Spain Bombarded by Immigrants fired from Medieval Siege Engines!

Illegal Immigration by Siege Engines Spanish Immigration officials are congregating in the tiny Spanish town of Tarifa at the country’s most southerly point holding blankets. Why are they standing on the beach holding blankets? They’re catching illegal immigrants. However, the blankets are not to warm up brave swimmers who have managed to paddle their way […]

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The ‘League of Dick Shaped Islands’ welcomes its Newest Member!

The League of Dick Shaped Islands (LDSI), a body who represent the inhabitants of all tracts of land surrounded by water that resemble male genitalia, are proud to welcome their newest member Bering Island a small lonely island in the Bering Sea. Bering Island is 56 miles long, 15 miles wide and is shaped like […]

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Geologists Say Scottish Independence is Unlikely

In order to allow Scotland to separate fully from England an earthquake of unparalleled magnitude would be required. Despite his considerable size, even if you were to drop Alex Salmond from the edge of the atmosphere and he collided exactly with the border it would only provide 17%  of the fifty million kilotons of energy required to divide the […]

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What a Relief! A Blow-Job Computer!

Pro-Marriage Lobby warn against Blow-Job Computer! Advocates of the sanctity of marriage have given the strongest indication yet that they may well resort to violence if plans to release a computer that can perform blow jobs go ahead. Nebraska based ‘Gobble Computers’ have developed a machine capable of simulating the act of mouth love, traditionally […]

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Doctor Who is sent back to the 1970’s to collar celebrity sex offenders!

Doctor who is going back to the 70’s to kick some celebrity paedo ass! Yep, the BBC’s own swash buckling pseudo insane time-traveller is going to put right some serious wrongs and try to make us all feel a little better having been duped into believing that sexual predators are entertaining. Using his sonic screwdriver […]

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StarWars VII to be filmed on Mars!

Due to a spat between JJ Abrahams and some other people whom he doesn’t like, the entire production, crew, actors, rubber things and canteen will be flown to Mars this January. Mars has much to offer those making space films because it is in space and that should save money (most of which will be […]

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Roy Hodgson to experiment with Crack!

England manger Roy Hodgson has been experimenting with his team, but  having failed dismally he’s on course to experiment with hard drugs. Having watched, with interest, the progress of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Mr Hodgson is said to be impressed  by his tactics. Ford who, with the possible exception of Silvio Berlusconi, is the most […]

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