Home » Entries posted by Baron Haddock (Page 2)
Stories written by Editor
Want more likes? Be offended by EVERYTHING! 

Being Offended is the key to Social Media Success! Want to be a social media superstar? It’s easy, just be offended by every single thing you encounter. The easiest method is to look for the following words; male, female, man, woman, black, white, disabled, feminism, sex, gender, orientation, politics, breathing…anything really. It doesn’t matter about […]

Continue reading …
Melania Trump in ‘Macron Bedspread’ Scandal

Duvet Duvet Couche Avec Moi? First lady Melania Trump went from the White House to the dog house today after it emerged she had had a bedspread made using an image of French President Emmanuel Macron’s face. The duvet was found face-down on her bunk in Air Force one where she sleeps to escape her errant […]

Continue reading …
Lego Continent found floating in the Pacific.

Legonia Scientists have discovered an entire Lego continent floating in the middle of the pacific ocean. Believed to be about the size of Australia the Island christened ‘Legonia’ has miraculously escaped detection before now. Populated by lego men, women, children, Marvel Figures, Harry Potter characters and some seals, the giant plastic Island appears to be […]

Continue reading …
I kissed a dog, I liked it! 

Dog CPR Incident leads to long-term physical Relationship Controversy today as Brian Mellings of Oxford admitted entering into a long term physical relationship with his neighbour’s dog Miffy.  To give you some background, Brian is a vet who trains unmarried women and house husbands dog CPR, door-to-door, from the back of his car. Essentially he […]

Continue reading …

  It’s a regular day at the office for Haddock News: the credits are attacking, the anchors are boozing, and the nuns are tasing men in the genitals. Bernard weathers his usual on-air midlife crisis, Bennet is not involved in the theft of a complete brontosaurus skeleton, and Dr. Swivel offers insightful commentary on America’s […]

Continue reading …

While this transmission does not contain an ancient wind spirit with the power to raise the dead, it does introduce our third anchor: the dreamy-eyed deviant, ambiguous androgynous dreamboat, Dr. Johannesburg Swivel. Fall in love with your carnal instincts all over again. The broadcast also provides handy tips for Metric conversions while inside the mouth […]

Continue reading …
Sentient Lego men make buildings from blocks of human flesh!

Lego people live in a world made of body parts! Ever wondered how it must feel for Lego people, living in a world made from the same stuff as their own body parts? They could, at any given moment, be pulled in half and dismembered, their head swapped for that of a snake…while their own dismembered head […]

Continue reading …

A long time ago, a dude named Moses parted the Red Sea. Not to be outdone, Jon Stewart’s cooking up a red tide of his own, leaving The Daily Show in pursuit of comedy through basic biological function. Also, Australia decides that maps are for cunts and crashes the Eurovision Song Contest! Err…just “The Song […]

Continue reading …

How attractive are you? Not enough, claims a new study released by the Austrian Aesthetics Consortium. But there is certainly hope for you and your ugliness; Haddock News lead anchor Bernard Floater gives you all you need to know about coping with your condition! There’s a funny bit about Bob Dylan too. Baron HaddockMore Posts

Continue reading …

Bernard Floater has refused to accept Alyson Stoner’s challenge to a hip-hop dance battle. He does not believe she’s improved much since her stint in Missy Elliot’s music videos, and as such, is not worth his time. Instead, he has elected to do…this. Baron HaddockMore Posts

Continue reading …