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Stealth Kite Spies on Allotment

Hyper-competitive Welsh vegetable growers have resorted to extreme measures to try and win the county cup. A group of green fingered enthusiasts from the village of Clobber in Monmouthshire have been caught red handed spying on their competitors using what can only be described as a “Stealth Kite”.  The canvas structure 40′ x 40′ is deployed at night with a gardener slung […]

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Rising Sea-Levels: A Solution?

Dr Jackson Collapsible-Pelican Goldsmith, a professor at the much venerated University of Sevenoaks has devised a plan to tackle the problem of rising sea levels as a result of global warming. His patented “Sea-Emptier” (pictured) will be tested this weekend in the Lake District. The plan is to install a number of these devices at […]

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A White (van) Christmas

A family from the midlands had their Christmas dinner disrupted when a two tonne Ford Transit fell out of a cracker. The Tibbet family, from Gary Lineker House in central Leicester, had to move all of their furniture out of their dining room in the third floor flat to enable them turn the vehicle 180 […]

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The United Kingdom is now fatter than ever according to recent statistics. The messy aftermath of Christmas has created a fresh mob of the overweight, and overindulgence needs putting to a stop. New research suggests that the only way to crack the fat is to substitute the junk food craze with a new, healthier, alternative […]

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Cue-Ball Stomach-Pump Hell Defeat!

Paramedics were called to a pub in Staffordshire over the Christmas holidays after a freak accident during a pool competition. Local men Rick ‘Potmaster’ Stephens and Crispin ‘Deepan’ Evens were down to the last two balls on the table when Stephens, completing what he thought was the winning shot, applied so much back spin he […]

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Ever Wondered What Thrush Tastes Like?

Well, if you have the wait is over! The latest addition to London’s endless list of culinary establishments and eateries has arrived. “Thrush My Darling”, located in fashionable Soho, has a menu exclusively devoted to one of Britain’s favorite birds. Such delicacies as thrush pie, thrush sausage, thrush sushi and thrushed pineapple await your taste […]

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Dolphins Achieve National Park Status

From January 1st 2011 all dolphins are to be designated National Parks. From that day on it will be illegal to build or alter property located on any dolphin, porpoise or small whale. Planning permission for a shopping centre located within a pod of pilot whales in the North Sea has already been revoked and […]

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Da Vinci’s Wheelbarrow-Plane; Flight Imminent

Recently unearthed drawings by keen gardener and all round clever bloke; Leonardo Da Vinci, revealed a revolutionary design for a wheelbarrow-aircraft. The Florentine genius, known to have invented gliders, helicopters, turkey basters, clock-radios, electric toothbrushes, foot spa’s and other wonders far ahead of his time, reached his engineering zenith with this marvel of science. A […]

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Rogue Milk Float Causes Chaos in City of London

Reported sightings of a rogue milk float, bearing the epithet ‘Milk not Money’ multiplied across the City of London today, as workers streamed out of their offices in droves, shouting vigorous anti-capitalist slogans of the like not heard of since Gordon Brown visited the local Marxist Toddlers Playgroup in his erstwhile constituency last year. The […]

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St. Nic Anti-Smoking Shocker

Times are hard for all of us, including it seems for one usually round and jolly fellow who until now has ensured children everywhere receive their presents at Christmas. Shockingly a red top has leaked that Father Christmas has become the spokesperson for ASH (Action on Smoking and Health) for an undisclosed sum. They cite […]

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