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Noroom F. Thumbo
Stories written by Noroom F. Thumbo
Daniel Boone was a man, yes a big man. But the bear was bigger so he ran like a turkey up a tree. - Author's Full Bio
Wereballs: Shedding Light on Testicular Lycanthropy

Wereballs: Shedding Light on Testicular Lycanthropy

GROWLERSMOUTH , MASSACHUSETTS (USA) – “The worst part about a full moon, for me, is the Testicular Lycanthropy.” Harlan Gregor laments his most unfortunate and currently incurable condition whilst staring into his cup of tea. Contracted at the Up With People High Fiver’s Fellowship for College Freshman, the 20-year-old man remembers vividly the events that […]

Holographic Randy Savage to host Cooking series

A&E confirms! The Savage Garden, a cooking show hosted by a hologram of deceased professional wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage, has been greenlit for 14 episodes. With hologram technology improving exponentially, it was only a matter of time before Randy Savage would be resurrected and given a television program doing the one thing he truly […]

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“I was kicked out of University for my Excessively Loud Urination.”

Mahil Jakari’s urinary stream defies known acoustic science* and can heard from five floors away in his four-story boarding house. This is where Mahil is living after his audibly profound stream got him dismissed from Turkey’s prestigious Istanbul University. Simply stated, when he pees, Mr. Jakari’s urine creates a tri-tone similar to the one used […]

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The 2013 Haddock Visionary Awards

It’s that time again: a time to reflect on the events of the year and highlight the contributions of the epic visionaries of our time. We know the year isn’t over yet, but with corporate advertising being what it is we are sure no one will mind our eagerness amidst the usual off-season Easter reservations, […]

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Inordinate amount of Zebras beaching in Greenland

Roll Tide! No, not the Alabama football team, but rather the inexplicable death of hundreds of endangered mountain zebras washing up off the coast of Greenland. And anyway, fuck Greenland.* Although the exact cause of death remains a mystery at the present, researchers have determined that the animals died only days before making landfall. There […]

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Congress votes to eliminate Blue from the Visible Color Spectrum

It’s the latest Government Shutdownmagedon, Charlie Brown! Lawmakers on both sides of the aisle have been working tirelessly to accomplish absolutely no compromise, and making great strides towards that goal. So much so, that they done shut down the whole damn country. One of the little-known aspects the government furlough is that part of the […]

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Who took the M out of Manchester? Morrissey not being detained in Egypt!

Why can’t he be found, found, found?! “Where is he?” and “push off!” are the cries coming from Sloane Square every second Sunday during the town’s bi-weekly protest of the aging pop singer Morrissey’s mysterious disappearance. Despite self-circulated rumors of his failing health and the impending release of his concert film “(High School) Concert” (filmed […]

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Beware the Brazilian shit circle!

Where are you right now? Stop, listen. Beyond the din of traffic, you can hear it. The low hum of chants and claps, the reek of ball sweat and pubescent flowerings. The color-coordinated T-shirts, hats and and flags. They are, the vacationing preteens of Rio de Janeiro. Oh, you’re not standing next to a theme […]

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Surprising demand for Snow globes depicting tragic events

The crash of the Hindenburg; the My Lai Massacre; The new Lone Ranger movie. These are just three examples of past and recent horrors one may not expect to be depicted in a collectable art format. However, a growing number of morbid aunts and grandmothers have been purchasing these depressing knick-knacks online to the tune […]

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Vatican fears History Channel’s “The Bible” may cause people to actually read The Bible

Despite reviews lambasting the ridiculousness of History Channel’s “comprehensive presentation” of The Bible (via a series cleverly entitled “The Bible”), the Pope Francis administration has opted to keep with the time-honored tradition of knee-jerk reacting, for the sole purpose of making their opinions known. It really seems like these people don’t care much about church […]

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