Badger of Honour

Badger of HonourAs an alternative to being culled for spreading Bovine TB (an accusation which they deny absolutely) badgers are being offered the chance to serve their country on missions where there is very little chance of returning alive.

As you read this article, teams of brave badgers are being parachuted into Afghanistani hot-spots where they will engage the Taliban in paw to hand combat.

Others are risking their lives tunneling under the beleaguered Syrian city of Homs where, as well as providing vital intelligence for the SBS (Special Badger Service) they will also attempt to smuggle British citizens and injured journalists out of the country.

We also have information from an anonymous source that two badgers have gone undercover and are posing as pit-bull terriers in an an East London drugs gang.

However some other individuals who have not been so lucky have been forced into rural prostitution providing comfort for lonely farmhands.

Opponents to the scheme are worried that problems may arise from the re-introduction of combat-trained badgers into society.

A spokesperson for the Badger Annihilation League has suggested that these commando carnivores may become rallying points for discontent among persecuted animals leading to pockets of resistance.

Rumours that the Annihilation League’s President was found strapped into a chair in his cellar with fifty pounds of C4 duck-taped to his testicles and a cows foreleg inserted into his colon have been neither confirmed or denied.