BBC Denies Filming ‘Frozen Planet’ in Milton Keynes Ski Centre

The Haddock

Penguins or Extras?

Following an admission that polar bear scenes were filmed in a German wildlife park, the BBC is now facing increasing pressure to admit that 90% of its Frozen Planet series was in fact filmed in the Milton Keynes Xcape indoor skiing facility.

Frozen planet was a victim of it’s own success because by highlighting the fact that the North Pole did in fact melt years ago they were left with little choice but to film on an artificial ski slope.

Had they actually filmed at the pole the series would have been called ‘A rather drab section of ocean’ a title unlikely to attract many viewers, even with David Attenborough at the helm.

Scenes including the cheeky penguins were believed to have bee carefully staged with the help of Peter Jackson and his army of small people currently on loan from The Hobbit.

The elephant seals were in fact two American ladies from the organization known as ‘Feeder’s Wives’ and the polar bears were created using a converted pantomime horse spray painted white.

‘Totally untrue!’ said a BBC Spokesman in response to the accusations. “The same people said we filmed Life On Earth at Kew Gardens and Longleat, we’ve heard it all before.”

Perhaps this statement draws a line under the whole affair and filming has already begun for a groundbreaking new series ‘Martian Safari’ which may or may not be entering per-production at Camber Sands and Wookie Hole.