BBC executives today gave details of revisions to scheduled programmes to reflect the deep cuts in police budgets following the economic downturn.
To increase efficiency, police detectives will no longer be able to work in pairs. This will be reflected in new edited reruns of Dalziel Without Pascoe, Here’s Starsky, Where The **** is Hutch? and Inspector Morse says Sod Off to Detective Sergeant Lewis.
New programmes will be given a real-life edge, such as the new series of Life on Mars, where Gene Hunt and Sam Tyler are made redundant following an efficiency drive, and are replaced by Jack Frost who now only works three days a week.
Other changes will feature the currently unused Reliant Robin from Fools and Horses being given a second lease of life as a patrol car in The Bill while John Nettles will be chasing after killers in Midsomer Murders on a mountain bike.
Other cop shows, from Colombo to Wallander will feature at length, detectives spending a large proportion of their working day, filling in forms and paperwork.
Prime Minister David Cameron said ‘While these changes may result in boring programmes, they will now reflect what happens in real life’.
The revisions to broadcasts will also be reflected in minor programme details. Cheery, stereotypical constables will no longer be allowed the luxury of saying ‘hello, hello, hello’, but will have to merely announce a streamlined version of ‘hi’ and old ladies asking officers what the time is, will be told to ‘go and buy a chuffing watch.’
Tapes of vintage shows like Z-Cars, Dixon of Dock Green and Softly, Softly will simply be chucked in the bin. .