Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali 4 smallFor optimal enjoyment of this bio, click on the video above and let it play while reading the following text.

Bennet Vindushali is a man. A man that bleeds American cheese. A man that bleeds amber waves of grain, Miller Lite and high fructose corn syrup. A man that bleeds a great deal. A man that knows the hooker’s real name.

Bennet is the US anchor for Haddock News, and his dick is massive. As are his balls. Big ol’ gargantuan balls, bulging against a sack that bears a long-ways tattoo of the star-spangled banner being soaked in a gin martini. Bennet uses this collection of massive genitalia to navigate the boring landplop that is the United Kingdom. He also reports the news in the same tie that he chokes himself with. Like a boss.

Vindushali once sat in a Brighton hotel room for an entire week doing nothing but drinking, smoking, and watching all 94 episodes of Wanted: Dead or Alive starring Steve McQueen as Josh Randall, the most ass-kickerest man in the West. And when compared to every assignment, filed report…pretty much any and every moment spent as a part of the Haddock News organization, Bennet still considers that smog-filled hotel room stay to be the best week of his entire life.

He has never tasted tea before. Not once.

Truly though, Bennet does possess warm feelings for London. “You never forget the city that gave you syphilis for the first and second times” he once remarked (during a live debate segment regarding a piece of land-sharing legislation). As you can imagine, this man vomits a great deal. Vomiting may be partially to blame for his mandated relinquishment of several prestigious journalism awards.

Bennet Vindushali kept the fruit basket and stuck a middle finger up to the rest of this bullshit.