Berlusconi: “The Offer to Rub My Feet Still Stands”

  Berlusconi: you'd think after all of his sexual escapades he'd know how  to motorboat by now.

Berlusconi: you’d think after all of his sexual escapades he’d have figured out how to properly motorboat.

On his website today, former Italian Premier (and two-time Pimps Up, Hoes Down Magazine’s “Most Fascinating Philanderer”) Silvio Berlusconi speaks very pointedly about his country’s financial turmoil. In the posting, he advocates the continued printing of money to stimulate the country back into stability, and a number of other delightfully asinine assertions. But about half-way through his message, things take an odd (but not totally unexpected) turn:

…which is why austerity must not be implemented, no matter how completely necessary it may be. An Italy of equal or greater laziness: that is the Italy I want to leave my children. The ones I know about, and the ones that I have yet to meet from around the world.

I would, while I have the opportunity, like to remind the entire nation of Italy that the promise I made to you when I was in office is still alive and well: anyone who would like the opportunity to rub my feet is encouraged and invited. Well actually only women are invited. I should’ve made that more clear a sentence or two ago.

But yes, ladies the offer is all you. With you, I do not discriminate: would I like you to be young? Sure. Would it be nice if you were beautiful? Of course. Would I fuck you if you looked like my mailman? Absolutely. As such, let’s just dial it back, keep it professional, and worry about the feet…for now! Waka waka you bitch ass Italians!

Kisses,

Silvio “Get Sillie” Berlusconi

Inquiries about the foot massaging invitation are welcome to phone his party’s headquarters, or phone your local cathouse and get the number for his direct line.

For more on this story, click here.