Berlusconi to Open European Chain of Lap Dancing Bars

Lap Dancing

The Italian government today introduced austerity measures to help offset the country’s national deficit.

It also brought in drastic initiatives to help stimulate its economy by giving a large business development grant to help outgoing president, Silvio Berlusconi, open a chain of lap dancing bars across Europe.

The exclusive gentleman’s clubs, to be named Berlusconi Babe Clubs (BBCs), will charge top prices and bring much needed income into the ailing Italian economy.

Other measures include a directive to overpriced Italian restaurants across the euro zone, to reduce their prices, and stimulate some kind of Italian economic activity.

The move was welcomed in the UK by the British Food is Great and Not Bland at All Association (BFGNBAA). Their spokesman Bertie Bulldog said ‘Everyone knows Italian pizza is just a bit of overpriced dough with cheese sprinkled on, while bruschetta is only toast with a bit of garlic on’.

However, Bulldog refused to comment on the fact that a small plate of fish and chips in his own restaurant costs £12.50.

Other actions taken by the Italian government include selling its four football World Cup trophies to the highest bidder and changing the title of the national song ‘Three Coins in a Fountain’ to ‘Three Hundred Gold Doubloons in a Raging Waterfall’.

However, copies of Joe Dolce’s Shaddup Your Face remain for sale on eBay for their usual price of twenty five pence.