Bernie Madoff Tries to Re-mortgage his Prison Cell

Bernie Madoff has allegedly been transferred to latrine detail after it was discovered that he had been attempting to re-mortgage his prison cell and then sell it on as various financial products. 

Mr Madoff who is currently serving 10 000 years for bankrupting this part of the galaxy is believed to have advertised his 12′ x 20′ cell as ‘A bijou apartment in a lively neighbourhood close to local amenities with 24hr security that would suit a young professional who enjoys working from home’.

The plot was busted when a gay couple, who had arrived to view the apartment during curfew hours, kicked off at the security officers waking up half the wing with their screams of protest.

Police are currently looking into the cases of several other jailed bankers who have allegedly being engaging in similar activities.  One man being accused of something called ‘insider toilet trading’, a term that we at The Haddock are unfamiliar with and don’t wish to expand upon.