Beware the Brazilian shit circle!

Where are you right now? Stop, listen. Beyond the din of traffic, you can hear it. The low hum of chants and claps, the reek of ball sweat and pubescent flowerings. The color-coordinated T-shirts, hats and and flags. They are, the vacationing preteens of Rio de Janeiro.

Oh, you’re not standing next to a theme park? Well find one, get within 50 miles of it, and then restart this article.

Calm before the (shit) storm

Calm before the (shit) storm

Brazil Nuts!

Throngs of these groups invade every tourist destination on Earth annually. Nary is there a theme park that can accommodate the gastronomic reality that exists in such a large gaggle of grade-schoolers hopped up on sugar and Samba music. No amount of washrooms could contain them.

As Mommy Thumbo would’ve framed it: “Too many Injuns, not enough teepees.”

Hence, the Brazilian shit circle.

Given the love of proximity that many Brazilians exhibit, it was not at all that surprising that they would be prone to gathering in circles and chanting in order to camouflage the pained and pleasured sounds of defecation coming from their gal pals whilst they drop an ungodly deuce the center of the ring.

The louder the chanting, the more shit expelled. They are precise in their causal estimations.

“Nothing can be done; they move too fast, and besides the shit, they leave very little evidence of wrong-doing,” proclaimed Tark Mailer, Operations Manager of South Hamilton Amusements, Resorts and Theming (or SHART) in Nova Scotia, Canada. “It’s the custodial workers that get the worst of it…but honestly who the fuck cares about those guys, they’re barely even humans.”

Brazilian shit circles can be identified by their outward characteristics:

  1. A circular group of under-aged Brazilian kids clapping and chanting like Mormons.

Let this be a warning to you: if you see this happening, whether it be in an amusement park or not, turn and walk the other way. Do not engage the shit!

You cannot and will not win against the shit of the Brazilian schoolgirl.

Noroom F. Thumbo Posted by on July 15, 2013. Filed under Haddock Culture, Haddock World. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.