Boris Johnson orders ‘Left Wing’ to be cut off all London Pigeons

fucking pigeons

Tory Mayor of London; Boris Johnson will be walking around the capital with a pair of garden shears this afternoon removing the left wings of pigeons.

Not only that but he will be attaching the severed wings to the other side creating Ultra-Right-winged pigeons.

Not to be outdone, his left wing opponent Ken Livingstone will be following him and cutting off the right wings.

A spokesman for Red Ken suggested that if the right wings were left on the birds they, like all right-wing organisations, would end up going around in circles and crashing.

Boris’s team were quick to counter-strike suggesting that pigeons without wings would be unable to get off the ground and become reliant on handouts, just like most Left-wing organisations.

Meanwhile, Brian Paddick, the Liberal Candidate, is expected to follow both men sellotaping the birds back together as he goes.

Like most liberal policies this is in line with the popular vote but in all likelihood will  be too little too late.

Nick Griffin from the BNP will be heading into town later accompanied by a team ornithologists  who will identify any non-native birds and have them executed on the spot.

The Green party candidate will be doing basketwork and topiary in a nearby church for anyone who’s interested, while the independent’s are expected to stay at home as they don’t have the funding for this kind of stunt.