Groups of boy-scouts and girl-guides are roaming the streets in packs armed with Swiss army knives and woggles in search of kiddie fiddlers to hospitalise.
They’re trying to earn themselves the latest must have badge: ‘The Paedo-Bashing Badge’.
IT nerd scouts and cubs are using their computer skills to hack into the register and locate the freaks and weirdos required to brighten up their uniforms.
Even more sought after than the ASBO Sheild the Paedo-Basher is the equivalent of the purple heart for every up and coming knot-tying, fire lighting, helping-old-ladies-across-the-road kid it seems.
In their quest for glory the mob have already broken into more catholic churches than the vikings and broken up several Dungeon and Dragons clubs.
The government are said to be doing absolutely nothing about this because the children’s actions appear to have gained public support which is something they seem incapable of doing themselves.
In the time it’s taken to write this article several thousand deviants and one rather perplexed folk-singer have been herded off Beachy Head and dashed upon the rocks below.
When asked about this behavior the queen was reported to have said ‘oh well.’