British Ineptitude – The Ultimate Weapon Against Terror!

By Ed Chilvers

There was good news for people who care about polls yesterday after a UN report placed the UK top of the list in countries most frequently getting their arses handed to them on the international arena. The survey showed that when it came to humiliating ourselves in the eyes of the rest of the world Britain consistently came home with the goods, whether our elite special forces were being  arrested en masse by an illiterate Libyan farmhand armed with a pitchfork, aid teams being sent home from disaster zones for not having the right sort of paperwork or being royally slapped down by the United States for making a suggestion which we have absolutely no means whatsoever to back up by ourselves. A spokesman for the foreign office think tank Internationalington yesterday told The Haddock; “It really does take a level of genius of almost Frank Spenser type abilities to fail so spectacularly and so publicly on the world stage time and time again. This is actually great news for the British people as our levels of spectacular ineptitude make it unlikely that any serious terror organisation will bother targeting us and we will instead be free to happily wander the corridors of international power like a bemused brain damaged lamb with egg yolk permanently glued to our stiff upper lips.â€