Budget 2011: Mr Osbourne aims to Create a Nation of Sober Centenarians!

Once again the battered red attache case, firmly clasped in the pudgy and well fed fingers of a fat chancellor will see the light of day as Wednesday’s budget approaches. This year it is widely speculated that budget cuts will extend even to the word budget which is to be shortened to BUDGE in order save ink. Listening to the japery and banter between Messers Osborne and Balls we see that once again there will be an increase in the price of booze and cigarettes pushing us ever close to becoming a nation of sober centenarians. When this Utopian dream is finally realised and every third person has a blue-rinse, a bad temper and bunions who will pay for that? If, as was suggested by The Haddock only last week, the pensionable age was raised to 100years then this might help pay for it, but in all honesty, replacing a hospital full of smoke and drink related illness with one full of those suffering from senility and extreme old
age, gibbering bitterly about how they didn’t get to enjoy their lives because they were too health conscious seems ultimately counter productive. It seems that whatever we do, live or die we are a drain on the state, perhaps then the answer is to legalise drugs and encourage the over seventies to trip out their dotage eating cheap snack food … job done!

On a lighter note, if the Labour party do return to power, the Haddock will be there to report on Inflating Balls and his sackload of cuts! Balls delivers the money… etc etc. Fingers crossed for that one.