Cameron tells Eurocrats ‘Stop washing your feet with Dom Perignon!’

Eurocrats to be issued mopeds!

Multi millionaire Etonian David Cameron told European leaders yesterday that 4 billion Euros could be saved if they stopped bathing in asses milk and washing their feet with Dom Perignon!

The are to stop riding around in limos, instead each one of them has been given a second hand moped (Ex Domino Pizza fleet) on which to attend meetings.

They will fly with Ryanair and pay to go to the toilet during flights.

Any European leader or minister seen carrying a chihuahua with a diamond collar would be asked to chop it up and make it into a sandwich for the nearest homeless person!

Caviar is to be replaced by Marmite and the bleanies by Jacobs Crackers!

All platinim cock rings are to be handed in and melted down into tiny bullets for the new pocket mosquito pistol currently being trialed in Africa by the Bill Gates foundation.

Hair shirts, hessian pants, cardboard watch straps and National Health glasses will be mandatory.

Anyone trying to look all sophisticated with rimless wanky glasses will be larched viciously at The Hague!

No Socks are to be worn, and the mineral water will be replaced by the tears of fired bankers!

“I hope that makes a difference!” Said Mr Cameron. “Now I’m off for my last ever Chateau Lafite arse douche!”