Alastair Campbell was knocked over by a fart on his way home from Question Time last night. The fart, believed to have come from George Galloway (because it smelled of battered sausage and Iron Bru) was sent via a new type of organic text message available only to MP’s. Flatu-text, a way of sending farts across the planet electronically, was the brain child of Brian Child, a young scientist working at the University of Sevenoaks. Although it is unclear as to why Members of Parliament require this service, they have all subscribed to it. Mr Campbell appears to be the first person to have actually been injured by a flatutext, having sustained a bruised ego and a scratched Rolex. You couldn’t make this stuff up!