Canadian Border Control will not let Dave Mustaine’s hair exit the country

"Namaste...the fuck away from this gorgeous mane I've spend three decades cultivating into this state of manicured nonchalance."

“Namaste…the fuck away from this gorgeous mane I’ve spend three decades cultivating into this state of manicured nonchalance.”

First kicked out of Metallica, now this?!

Megadeth front man Dave Mustaine is in a custody battle over the rockin’-ass fuck-you locks that grow freely from his brilliant skull. He’s at the Canadian border. Things are sucking in general right now.

“Mr. Mustang is not under arrest or being detained specifically, but his hair is being considered a person of interest in some investigation or something,” claims CBC officer Dan Colbie.

Mr. Mustaine is certainly inconvenienced by the CBC’s completely necessary detention, but isn’t letting it get him down. Instead, he used the downtime to play some lullabies to starving refugee children with leukemia that were also being detained at the Canadian border.

If you haven't seen this, stop doing other things until you do.

If you haven’t seen this, stop doing other things until you do.

“We love you, Mister Mistay!” cries Khani, age 7

Dave Mustaine and all of his hair follicles hope to be clear of suspicion in short time, able to once again be free to delight millions with his very good guitar playing and cameos on animated television shows.

Actually ya know, I just relistened to Risk. Maybe keep him and his hair an extra hour as punishment for that one.

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

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