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Haddock Editorial: Vegan Zombies Face a Moral Dilemma

Haddock Editorial: Vegan Zombies Face a Moral Dilemma

What becomes of the broken hearted? That is the title of the sequel to a very fine film, but unfortunately isn’t the topic of this article. What becomes of vegans during the dreaded zombie apocalypse? Right, that’s better. And what better time to examine that subject than now, considering that the zombie apocalypse happened last […]

I am a news anchor with passions. Fiery, lava-like passions, that course through my veins and have me nearly bursting at the seams every second I’m away from a computer. Passions that drove my wife to drink, and eventually, to a cricket addiction that nearly left her with hand callouses. Callouses that could match my […]

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Bennet Vindushali’s Guide to ‘Pretending’ you’re An Alcoholic!

My wife, I forget which one, used to hate me banging other girls, especially hard drinking ones. She said it was degrading to let drunk people sleep with you because they wouldn’t do it sober…perhaps in this way she hoped to win back my heart. I guess that’s why I can’t remember her name. Alcohol […]

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Where the F*ck has The Haddock been?

Hey there friends. Yes, it’s obviously a valid query: ‘where the fuck have we been?’ Were we in Antarctica sampling glacial fragments? Argentina, studying gluteal growth trends? Canada, contemplating a career in lumber exports, unsure whether or not we’d bring ourselves to relaunch this ridiculous website at all? These are all completely plausible, entirely likely […]

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Titanic Season Sinks to New Depths

By Perry Estelle Fifteen hundred people on Titanic died in that cold night, on April 14/15th, 1912. It was the world’s largest and most elegant ship. Titanic was carrying more than 2200 people on its maiden voyage, and it was doomed. On its fourth night at sea, it struck an iceberg and in less than […]

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Gladstone Cormorant: Filthy Music and my wandering Cock!

Gladstone Cormorant: the dearth of fine music It was my misfortune the other day to accidently tune in to the so called ‘radio one’ morning show hosted by the reprehensible Chris Moyles whilst at my breakfast in Soho. I must admit I am hardly ‘au fait’ with the failing cult of youth culture but my […]

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Disrobing just outside the revolving doors I ran into the office naked and having skipped into the lift before security could grab me I made it to my desk onto which I promptly did a poo! By this time security had arrived on the third floor and were hot on my trail. I barely had time to […]

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Gladstone Cormorant: Assault and Beggary!

Whilst out for my usual sojourn around town the other day I happened to take note of a rather odious aroma pervading the otherwise perfectly pleasant spring atmosphere. Turning my head I soon discovered the source in the unwashed, sweat soaked bodies of a snaking queue that formed outside the local labour exchange – the […]

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Gladstone Cormorant: Sampling the European Menace!

A recent trip to the continent has convinced me more than ever of the need for us to be free from the Fascist Imperial Menace of the European Union. Whilst this proud breed of Englishmen have had over five thousand years to mature slowly into our noble island race the same cannot be said for […]

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On Luggage Seeing as good old Boris is so fond of transport policies, how about cheering us all up by banning all “wheelie bags” Those suitcases with tiny wheels which people drag behind themselves unaware of the trail of mayhem they cause? Where is the logic in dragging an object the size of a small fiat […]

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