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Organised Bag Lady ‘ring’ blamed for Pacific plastic problem

Organised Bag Lady ‘ring’ blamed for Pacific plastic problem

You evil old cow! ‘Fuck you! You bastards’ said Millicent Frottage, a septuagenarian bag lady from Bedfordshire. This is the only thing she’s said since her arrest earlier this week and she’s said it to all sorts of people, including a bishop. ‘You evil old cow’ said police chief Bently Tibbert in response to her. […]

Impotent panda develops dangerous Hentai addiction

Panda ‘Wank-Coma’ caused by Japanese Sex Cartoons Woo Woo, a giant panda housed at Cincinnati zoo has developed a full scale addiction to Japanese Hentai sex cartoons after they were made available to him in a failed attempt to raise his libido. However his obsession with the movies led to an incident last Thursday when […]

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I kissed a dog, I liked it! 

Dog CPR Incident leads to long-term physical Relationship Controversy today as Brian Mellings of Oxford admitted entering into a long term physical relationship with his neighbour’s dog Miffy.  To give you some background, Brian is a vet who trains unmarried women and house husbands dog CPR, door-to-door, from the back of his car. Essentially he […]

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Al-Qaeda asks ISIS to stop taking credit for their Attacks

On Monday, a pair of puss-filled fuck-canals in Texas tried to shoot some people for drawing pictures they didn’t like. Unlike a similar assault in France earlier this year, these consummate turd swallowers were unable to meet their objective. They managed to shoot a dude in the leg. That is the equivalent of a mosquito […]

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Laser Owl is NOT to blame for attacks on Dutch village!

Impostor! As we all know, Laser Owl is a hero. He shoots lasers from his eyes, and he can stop all bad things from happening. The stoic, graceful bird has saved Valentine’s Day from the Hallmark Corporation, defeated the TupperWarewolf, and even beat president Barack Obama in a spirited game of table tennis. He is […]

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You’ll never Believe how much this Moose Weighs!

The Answer: Far too often! Now is the time for concern about the body image problem in the moose community! It is not a crime to be a fat moose. It is a crime to hit someone with a ball-peen hammer. Never confuse those two. DEVELOPING: Joke about the plural form of Moose! What do […]

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Woman Rapes Cat Sprayed with Lynx Deodorant

‘I just don’t know what came over me!’ is most likely what the cat would have said if cats could speak. Barry, a Persian cat from Hove is recovering in hospital today after being sexually assaulted by a woman. The woman, who will remain nameless, is helping police with their inquiries but is not expected to face […]

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Cat charged with Human Violence after beating Owner

A calico cat has been taken into police custody and charged with crimes against humanity. Or specifically crimes against one human, who happens to be its owner. The cat is suspected of having gotten drunk on Cisco Strawberry. After several failed attempts at courting other cats of the neighborhood into sexual relations, the animal became […]

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Peruvian sea-lion deaths thought to be revenge attack by buggered penguins!

A Penguin the ass! Peruvian authorities looking into the mass death of 500 sea lions are investigating a bizarre theory that they were murdered by angry penguins in retaliation for years of sexual harassment. Recent footage of a seal ass-fucking a penguin (Watch a seal fucking a penguin here!) has caused outrage across the globe, especially to […]

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Are we doing enough for our Anacondas?

On August 7th, 1992 Sir Mix-A-Lot delivered his monumental “Baby Got Back” address to the European Union. Like the Churchills and Mandelas before him, Mix-A-Lot’s speech was pointed with lines of great impact. Speaking on behalf of his reptilian constituency, Mix-A-Lot proclaimed in a mighty roar: “My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, […]

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