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German rental Grannies not just for Children

German rental Grannies not just for Children

With the price of mere existence rising exponentially, Senior Care has felt the strain of a tightened belt. What are the elderly to do with themselves and their many various skin discolorations? Germany has turned this problem into profit with the “Mehrgenerationenhaus” (or “House of Rentable Geriatrics”). For a sensible rate, Germany’s young go-getters who […]

Oreo to buy every single Round Black object on the planet!

Taking the Biscuit! Do you own anything black and round that might in some tenuous way resemble an Oreo biscuit? Then you might be sitting on a fortune. Oreo are buying every single round, black object on the planet so that they can prevent anyone else who sells black round things using them in their commercials. […]

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Bubonic Plague claims 37 during Black Friday Sale in Pittsburgh

Though the Bubonic Plague has been ravaging parts of Madagascar, guess who doesn’t give a shit? You! Why? BECAUSE IT’S BLACK FRIDAY!! BLACK MOTHERFUCKIN’ FRIDAY AAAHHHHH!!! Buy a TV! Buy a toaster! Buy a six toasters! Buy some semblance of a life worth living! Buy VIP living quarters in the FEMA camps while a secret […]

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Kim Kardashian ‘Broke’ the Wank Bank!

The Interwet! The universal wank bank or ‘Interwet’ closed its doors to new fantasies last week for two days following the publication of Kim Kardashian’s nude photos. Several large organisations also closed due to freak masturbation evacuation events during which thousands of men and women sneakily got up their desks and headed to the bathrooms […]

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Are rising Mortgage Rates destroying your Pancreas?

As most home buyers know, the stress of mortgages often drive people to drink, join street gangs, and practice the occult. But are mortgages also turning your pancreas into a beachball? Probably not, but don’t tell that to the newly released reports that say they are! Pancreas in Peril!! “The pancreas is a dual-functioning gland, […]

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Curry worries due to Lamb Scam!

Much like the beef which sneaked in meat from the namesake animals with horseshoed feet, now worries abound for the curries in town and the drab kebabs we’re guzzling down. For a devious scam, this time with lamb, shows that the meat is replete with alternate meats which are cheap. Vile Deceit from the Shop-Owning […]

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Russian billionaire eats a Ferrari

Get out of my dreams, get onto my plate! Russian billionaire Mikhail Khodorkovsky ate a 2013 Ferrari 458 Italia for dinner this evening. The very rich fucker, who was recently released from false imprisonment at the compassionate mercy of Vladimir Putin, tucked into roughly 1/12th of the vehicle. The rest is in the fridge and […]

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Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulsen both had love affairs with the NSA

Mr. & Mrs. Spy Go to Washington! …and Spread! In open court, former News of the World editors Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulsen sat quietly for a public recounting of their dull, squarely uninteresting six-year extramarital affair. It is the closest thing to a sex tape to have been produced in the UK since Tulisa […]

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Insurance company tells consumer to “eat sandpaper”

A man in New Hampshire was somewhat perplexed when he found out he’d been unexpectedly dropped by his insurance provider, First American Property & Casualty, without warning or notification. When he inquired about his coverage, his insurer politely told him to eat sandpaper. Here is a transcript of their conversation: Man: There seems to be […]

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Royal Mail privatization will not affect snake deliveries

Vince Cable, a man whose name is real and was not pulled from a Young Adult fiction novel, is also the business secretary of the United Kingdom. As such, he is the man in charge of making sure the Royal Mail delivers live, healthy snakes to over 29 million homes across the country. With the […]

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