Old Man Accepts his Penis is only for Peeing now!
My Penis is only for peeing, I have wanked my last! An old man living in London admitted today that from now on his penis would only be for peeing and nothing else. Last night, he masturbated for the very last time and reported that it was ‘an average one’ which is a sad end […]
God of War 4 is everything a good game should be: smart, fun, gorgeous to look at, and a big party for people who enjoy blood on their tongues. I have blood under my fingernails right now, and I haven’t even played the game. That should tell you something, though I don’t know what that […]
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Death by Yodelling just became a thing Executioners at the famous Dignitas assisted suicide clinic in Switzerland were so impressed by Mason Ramsey’s Yodelling that they are now proud to offer it as a way to die. Using rats, they discovered that prolonged exposure to Mason’s new single could drive even the most stable and […]
Continue reading …Celebrities Refuse to Stop Dancing on Television
May 2, 2018
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Gallagher. Noam Chomsky. When you think of someone you’d enjoy in a dance routine, which name springs to mind first? Exactly. Yet somehow these people continue to mambo their way across broadcast television, because the brimstone of eternal nothingness burns brightest on ABC, the family network reanimates zoo animals in test laboratories. And […]
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Raspberry Beret degrades the French Prince single Raspberry Beret, a huge hit in the 1980’s has now been recognised for what it really is; utterly racist and degrading to the French! ‘The French wear berets and anyone else who does is an evil racist bastard, that goes for stripy tops, strings of onions and little […]
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Peppa Pig is too happy for China. Peppa pig is the first high profile cartoon character to be arrested, questioned, charged with ‘spreading happiness’, and expelled from China. Peppa is said to be unhurt but but badly shaken by the experience and her little brother George has had his favourite dinosaur confiscated which has left […]
Continue reading …Trump Supporters Ready for Kanye 2020
April 29, 2018
There are people who really like Donald Trump. So much so that no matter what he does, they can figure out a way to justify and support his actions. They sleep well at night, and drink milk through straws. Mental gymnastics are impressive, and god doesn’t exist. That all squared, let’s talk about Kanye West. […]
Continue reading …Organised Bag Lady ‘ring’ blamed for Pacific plastic problem
April 28, 2018
You evil old cow! ‘Fuck you! You bastards’ said Millicent Frottage, a septuagenarian bag lady from Bedfordshire. This is the only thing she’s said since her arrest earlier this week and she’s said it to all sorts of people, including a bishop. ‘You evil old cow’ said police chief Bently Tibbert in response to her. […]
Continue reading …Want more likes? Be offended by EVERYTHING!
April 26, 2018
Being Offended is the key to Social Media Success! Want to be a social media superstar? It’s easy, just be offended by every single thing you encounter. The easiest method is to look for the following words; male, female, man, woman, black, white, disabled, feminism, sex, gender, orientation, politics, breathing…anything really. It doesn’t matter about […]
Continue reading …I kissed a dog, I liked it!
April 23, 2018
Dog CPR Incident leads to long-term physical Relationship Controversy today as Brian Mellings of Oxford admitted entering into a long term physical relationship with his neighbour’s dog Miffy. To give you some background, Brian is a vet who trains unmarried women and house husbands dog CPR, door-to-door, from the back of his car. Essentially he […]
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