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Old Man Accepts his Penis is only for Peeing now!

Old Man Accepts his Penis is only for Peeing now!

My Penis is only for peeing, I have wanked my last! An old man living in London admitted today that from now on his penis would only be for peeing and nothing else. Last night, he masturbated for the very last time and reported that it was ‘an average one’ which is a sad end […]

God of War 4: Is Kratos the Trans hero we need in 2018?

God of War 4 is everything a good game should be: smart, fun, gorgeous to look at, and a big party for people who enjoy blood on their tongues. I have blood under my fingernails right now, and I haven’t even played the game. That should tell you something, though I don’t know what that […]

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Dignitas Clinic offers ‘Death by Mason Ramsey Yodelling’

Death by Yodelling just became a thing Executioners at the famous Dignitas assisted suicide clinic in Switzerland were so impressed by Mason Ramsey’s Yodelling that they are now proud to offer it as a way to die. Using rats, they discovered that prolonged exposure to Mason’s new single could drive even the most stable and […]

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Celebrities Refuse to Stop Dancing on Television

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Gallagher. Noam Chomsky. When you think of someone you’d enjoy in a dance routine, which name springs to mind first? Exactly. Yet somehow these people continue to mambo their way across broadcast television, because the brimstone of eternal nothingness burns brightest on ABC, the family network reanimates zoo animals in test laboratories. And […]

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French label ‘Raspberry Beret’ as Cultural Appropriation

Raspberry Beret degrades the French Prince single Raspberry Beret, a huge hit in the 1980’s has now been recognised for what it really is; utterly racist and degrading to the French! ‘The French wear berets and anyone else who does is an evil racist bastard, that goes for stripy tops, strings of onions and little […]

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China expels all Western Cartoon Characters starting with Peppa Pig

Peppa Pig is too happy for China. Peppa pig is the first high profile cartoon character to be arrested, questioned, charged with ‘spreading happiness’, and expelled from China. Peppa is said to be unhurt but but badly shaken by the experience and her little brother George has had his favourite dinosaur confiscated which has left […]

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Trump Supporters Ready for Kanye 2020

There are people who really like Donald Trump. So much so that no matter what he does, they can figure out a way to justify and support his actions. They sleep well at night, and drink milk through straws. Mental gymnastics are impressive, and god doesn’t exist. That all squared, let’s talk about Kanye West. […]

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Organised Bag Lady ‘ring’ blamed for Pacific plastic problem

You evil old cow! ‘Fuck you! You bastards’ said Millicent Frottage, a septuagenarian bag lady from Bedfordshire. This is the only thing she’s said since her arrest earlier this week and she’s said it to all sorts of people, including a bishop. ‘You evil old cow’ said police chief Bently Tibbert in response to her. […]

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Want more likes? Be offended by EVERYTHING! 

Being Offended is the key to Social Media Success! Want to be a social media superstar? It’s easy, just be offended by every single thing you encounter. The easiest method is to look for the following words; male, female, man, woman, black, white, disabled, feminism, sex, gender, orientation, politics, breathing…anything really. It doesn’t matter about […]

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I kissed a dog, I liked it! 

Dog CPR Incident leads to long-term physical Relationship Controversy today as Brian Mellings of Oxford admitted entering into a long term physical relationship with his neighbour’s dog Miffy.  To give you some background, Brian is a vet who trains unmarried women and house husbands dog CPR, door-to-door, from the back of his car. Essentially he […]

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