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Jurassic Park Franchise brought to life using fossilised Spielberg DNA!

Live and let Dino! Yes Jurassic World hits cinema screens this week by a miracle of modern science. The franchise, thought to have become extinct, was reanimated last year using blood from a mosquito which, having bitten movie mogul Steven Spielberg, then unwittingly flew into some tree sap and was preserved in amber. The DNA […]

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Mass Cake-Baking demonstrations in Ferguson following Grand Jury ruling

LATE BREAKING – A Grand Jury has ruled that the police officer who shot unarmed teenager Mike Brown in Ferguson, Missouri will not face any criminal charges. Yet another spectacular victory for the population’s majority that believe law enforcement officers are not subject to the laws which they enforce. In a unified show of peaceful […]

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Kim Kardashian ‘Broke’ the Wank Bank!

The Interwet! The universal wank bank or ‘Interwet’ closed its doors to new fantasies last week for two days following the publication of Kim Kardashian’s nude photos. Several large organisations also closed due to freak masturbation evacuation events during which thousands of men and women sneakily got up their desks and headed to the bathrooms […]

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Ann Summers ISIS lingerie a big hit in Iraq

Some people think that military force is the only way to stop terrorism. Others believe that, with enough frilly lace, you can do it with bras and panties. With the release of Ann Summers’ new line of ISIS lingerie, the company hoped it’s sexy-yet-mature designs would usher in an end to the tragic conflicts plaguing […]

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Bryan Singer’s parties are now “very, very boring”

Bryan Singer has been accused of some very serious boy-touching, stemming from incidents at his infamous Hollywood pool parties. Sex, drugs and Depeche Mode were the order of the day. A marketing executive once swung from a chandelier through a window and into the pool carrying two young men on his back. Today, not so […]

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VIBADGER – Badgers on Viagra to fight back against the cull!

Badgers on Viagra! Wildlife campaigners have been giving badgers Viagra pills to help them remain erect longer and do more shagging, in this way they are expected to make more badgers to replace those killed in the (Bovine TB) cull. The animals, who are unused to being erect for long periods of time have had […]

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Bacteria are Shit and they know we can’t see them!

Bacteria are a bit shit! Scientists announced today that bacteria are aware that we cannot see them and this is why they are both badly behaved and ugly. Larger animals know we are judging them and try not to behave too badly when we’re around but for bacteria and other single celled organisms it’s just […]

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Spain Bombarded by Immigrants fired from Medieval Siege Engines!

Illegal Immigration by Siege Engines Spanish Immigration officials are congregating in the tiny Spanish town of Tarifa at the country’s most southerly point holding blankets. Why are they standing on the beach holding blankets? They’re catching illegal immigrants. However, the blankets are not to warm up brave swimmers who have managed to paddle their way […]

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Wereballs: Shedding Light on Testicular Lycanthropy

GROWLERSMOUTH , MASSACHUSETTS (USA) – “The worst part about a full moon, for me, is the Testicular Lycanthropy.” Harlan Gregor laments his most unfortunate and currently incurable condition whilst staring into his cup of tea. Contracted at the Up With People High Fiver’s Fellowship for College Freshman, the 20-year-old man remembers vividly the events that […]

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The ‘League of Dick Shaped Islands’ welcomes its Newest Member!

The League of Dick Shaped Islands (LDSI), a body who represent the inhabitants of all tracts of land surrounded by water that resemble male genitalia, are proud to welcome their newest member Bering Island a small lonely island in the Bering Sea. Bering Island is 56 miles long, 15 miles wide and is shaped like […]

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