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Female guard fails Prison Break reenactment; doesn’t look enough like Sarah Wayne Callies

Female guard fails Prison Break reenactment; doesn’t look enough like Sarah Wayne Callies

Prison Breaking News! New information has surfaced regarding the motives of Joyce Mitchell, the female corrections officer suspected of aiding in the escape of two convicted murderers in New York state. Mitchell has confirmed that just after the sexual relations and having her husband killed, her primary motivation for conspiring with the men was an […]

Kermit the Frog and the denial of Rainbow Science

On Tuesday, the Institute for Advanced Wetness Studies published a report detailing what some academics are calling “the most important scientific discovery of last Tuesday.” Finally, after thousands of years of mysticism, faith, and superstition, mankind now knows how Rainbows work. According to the study: “Rainbows are a natural phenomena resulting from the refraction and […]

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Bernard Floater has refused to accept Alyson Stoner’s challenge to a hip-hop dance battle. He does not believe she’s improved much since her stint in Missy Elliot’s music videos, and as such, is not worth his time. Instead, he has elected to do…this. Baron HaddockMore Posts

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WWE Repossesses Kamala’s legs

Former professional wrestler Kamala has fallen on hard times as of the last 20 years. This is mainly due to the fact that he is a kind, well-meaning person, or as they are known in the wrestling world, “Vince McMahon Crudités.” Kamala has wrestled some of the most well-known and highest-paid performers in the industry. […]

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Harrison Ford’s injury on Star Wars set prompts stricter Spacecraft regulations

Yesterday actor Harrison Ford was injured on the set of Star Wars Episode VII. The injury was due to a malfunctioning door hatch on his ship the Millennium Falcon, and also because he is quite old. Ford was airlifted to an area hospital, even though that hospital was within walking distance. Most medical experts believe […]

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Bryan Singer’s parties are now “very, very boring”

Bryan Singer has been accused of some very serious boy-touching, stemming from incidents at his infamous Hollywood pool parties. Sex, drugs and Depeche Mode were the order of the day. A marketing executive once swung from a chandelier through a window and into the pool carrying two young men on his back. Today, not so […]

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Holographic Randy Savage to host Cooking series

A&E confirms! The Savage Garden, a cooking show hosted by a hologram of deceased professional wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage, has been greenlit for 14 episodes. With hologram technology improving exponentially, it was only a matter of time before Randy Savage would be resurrected and given a television program doing the one thing he truly […]

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Katy Perry summons Cthulhu at Grammy Awards

Squidface Killah! Katy Perry’s performance of her song “Dark Horse” at last night’s Grammy Awards inadvertently summoned the otherworldly spectre of doom known as Cthulhu. The singer had been trying to get Satan himself, but could not secure his appearance due to union rules. Cthulhu entered through the venue’s ceiling, and cried out a sound […]

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Meet the Orca that is standing by SeaWorld amidst Blackfish controversy

Everywhere you turn, people are attacking the SeaWorld theme parks for being animal-hating overlords in the cruel game of dolphin trafficking. The film Blackfish has exposed SeaWorld’s passionate hatred for the ocean and everything residing in it. But does everyone share this point of view? A killer whale called Leti begs to differ! “I think […]

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Shia Labeouf: The Crown Prince of Fuckboys

When thinking about entertainers who make the world a considerably worse place to raise children, most immediately go for the garden variety Snooki’s, Bieber’s and Boo Boo’s. However we at The Haddock believe there is a worse human curse plaguing society: the apex fuckboy, Shia Labeouf. From his fuckboy plagiarizing of actual creative people, to […]

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