Home » Archives by category » Haddock Music (Page 2)
Who took the M out of Manchester? Morrissey not being detained in Egypt!

Why can’t he be found, found, found?! “Where is he?” and “push off!” are the cries coming from Sloane Square every second Sunday during the town’s bi-weekly protest of the aging pop singer Morrissey’s mysterious disappearance. Despite self-circulated rumors of his failing health and the impending release of his concert film “(High School) Concert” (filmed […]

Continue reading …
Motherboard activists call for Lady Gaga boycott

“That’s my sister, Anita. Right there.” A distraught Hewlett-Packard motherboard points to a portion of the chair and begins sobbing uncontrollably. It is the image of a nude Lady Gaga, sat atop a loveseat composed entirely of internal computer hardware. By motherboard rights activists, it has been dubbed “The Holocaust Throne.” “She is an inhumane […]

Continue reading …
Listen to The Go! Team and swing your dick around

I’m going to listen to one of the finest recordings of all time. Not only is it one of the finest records of all time, it’s also possibly the finest debut record of all time, one of the greatest low budget recordings of all time, a triumph for England, and it drove the snakes out […]

Continue reading …
Aaron Hernandez hires Shyne to do murder bid

Besides being a relatively decent football player, Aaron Hernandez is apparently gangsta as shit. This is evidenced by the fact that he’s now possibly killed two people, and then a third to cover up for the first two. He also killed a turkey once just to do it. Wasn’t even planning on eating it. Reports […]

Continue reading …
Lil Wayne’s number of worries goes up after latest seizure!

International superstar rapper Lil Wayne has been hospitalized! Twas Nicki Minaj who pounded the alarm like so many drummer Hoff’s setting it off, alerting the world that Wayne had fallen ill once again. He’s suffered such codeine-laced seizures in the past, but this might be the big one! Oh no, he’s been stabilized. So probably […]

Continue reading …

  As you may know, Jimmy Urine of the band Mindless Self Indulgence is a complete and utter twat of a human. Last month, that vile creature took to Twitter and hacked the hell out of the Haddock News feed. Here are a few of our favorite moments from that event. 1. Jimmy Baits the […]

Continue reading …
Cyndi Lauper releases charity record “Girls Botswana Have Fun”

You wouldn’t know it by talking to Cyndi Lauper, but apparently the plight of a large number of people whose lives she knows literally nothing about are of great concern to the aging singer who once banged Hulk Hogan (off camera). It also helps that the country of Ms. Lauper’s unsolicited charity aids in creating […]

Continue reading …
Taylor Swift plans to date most of Barbados to prep for next album

Every man in the Caribbean island nation of Barbados is walking around with one hand in pocket and a smile on his face. In a press conference this morning, legendary kiss-and-tell songstress Taylor Swift has announced that in order to cull inspiration for her next hit record, she will be traveling to Barbados and “dating” […]

Continue reading …

Shaun Jason and Shiun Kim from New Wave Sensation  (Too strong a word? No by God!) ‘Southway’ were daft enough to grant us an interview. Actually it went pretty well considering…do have a read darlings: 1) If you didn’t call the band Southway what, much better, but sadly already taken, name would you have chosen? […]

Continue reading …
Shocking Harry Styles Birthday Video shows him Miming ‘Happy Birthday’

Harry’s Minder blew out the candles! One fifth of One Direction Harry Styles is in hiding today after a shocking video of his 19th birthday was released showing him ‘miming’ his own Birthday Song… oh yeah and there was some police woman stripper thing too…BUT HE MIMED! Just as Beyonce put the whole ‘miming at […]

Continue reading …