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Long ago, a few daredevil explorers gave a troll some silver, set sail across the high seas, and followed an ancient starmap deep into the unknown. Australia is what ended up coming of that. Australians are generally good-hearted people. They take care of one another, and they donate unwanted infants to local dingos as a […]

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“There is nothing wrong with an all-male knitting circle” says Ed Sheeran

The life of an English pop star can be a frantic, fast-paced existence. Between conducting interviews, bathing in chocolate waterfalls and recording, every day provides it’s own set of stresses. How does wispy teen idol Ed Sheeran handle his whirlwind schedule? Why, with a male knitting circle of course! Ed and his friends Charlie, Ben, […]

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The Jonas Brothers resurface at Guatemalan cockfight

“We miss you Nick, Skinny One, and Vaguely Icelandic Guy Jonas!! We miss you SO MUCH!! Please return to our lives and rescue us from your cruel usurpers!” This is not an actual desperate plea from a Jonas Brothers fansite message board, but Nick Jonas and his brothers really wish it were. Earlier today, the […]

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Tulisa Contostavlos showers completely NAKED; thankfully does not sing there

After months of in-depth and completely legal investigation, journalists at The Haddock Cultural Society can now confirm the long-standing rumor that has had the UK buzzing for years: pop star Tulisa Contostavlos does in fact shower. And when she does it, she does it 100% NAKED! That’s right! This article is about Tulisa! Nude! Tits, […]

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Juicy J physically unable to say no to ratchet pussy

It doesn’t seem too far a stretch to think that some people cannot say no to things; dogs can’t say no to bones, schizophrenics can’t say no to oven mitts, and pie charts never say no to anything. However with people, a certain level of self-control is expected for the general conducting of affairs. Sadly, […]

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After seeing this music video, I knew I had to become best friends with these people. And not like bobblehead high-school besties; I mean dead body best friends. They reminded me of every weird kid I grew up with on the block; especially the time that those weird kids painted their entire bodies and had what […]

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Man Receives Mastodon T-Shirt; Immediately Goes Out and Wrestles an Elk

“Look, I’m not the type of guy who just up and assaults woodland creatures. I’m an investment banker from Tacoma. I have a wife, Maggie, and a son named Eric. I’m still working out whether I’m proud of him or not. That aside, the animal combat stuff just isn’t my deal.” That is the official […]

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Katy Perry in Feud with Unruly Spaghetti Strap

Continuing a decade-long celebration of her divorce from Russell Brand, popular music icon Katy Perry attended the 2012 Electronic Substandards music festival this past weekend. Most of the festival was a great time for Perry, who was seen doing body shots with members of the Black Keys and Holographic Tupac. Things took a turn for […]

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Haddock Band Interview: ‘The Theme’…South London Mods!

The Haddock interviews THE THEME   The Theme are a 5 piece Mod outfit from South London. They pitch themselves as working class lads re-imagining Mod music for modern times (or something like that… don’t quote us okay, we’ve lost the notes!) We caught up with the band in a Turkish Bath near Balham and […]

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Special ‘Bubblegum Pop’ Grammy Award created for Justin Bieber

New ‘Manufactured Shit’ Grammy Created to Appease Scooter Braun! Justin Bieber’s manager Scooter Braun is furious that his boy didn’t get a nomination for this year’s Grammys. He  told the Grammys that they  “blew it on this one” which may or may not have been a reference to other artists aquiring nominations via sexual bribes. […]

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