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The 5-Minute Power Hour (Pilot Episode)

  It’s a regular day at the office for Haddock News: the credits are attacking, the anchors are boozing, and the nuns are tasing men in the genitals. Bernard weathers his usual on-air midlife crisis, Bennet is not involved in the theft of a complete brontosaurus skeleton, and Dr. Swivel offers insightful commentary on America’s […]

While this transmission does not contain an ancient wind spirit with the power to raise the dead, it does introduce our third anchor: the dreamy-eyed deviant, ambiguous androgynous dreamboat, Dr. Johannesburg Swivel. Fall in love with your carnal instincts all over again. The broadcast also provides handy tips for Metric conversions while inside the mouth […]

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A long time ago, a dude named Moses parted the Red Sea. Not to be outdone, Jon Stewart’s cooking up a red tide of his own, leaving The Daily Show in pursuit of comedy through basic biological function. Also, Australia decides that maps are for cunts and crashes the Eurovision Song Contest! Err…just “The Song […]

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How attractive are you? Not enough, claims a new study released by the Austrian Aesthetics Consortium. But there is certainly hope for you and your ugliness; Haddock News lead anchor Bernard Floater gives you all you need to know about coping with your condition! There’s a funny bit about Bob Dylan too. Baron HaddockMore Posts

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Bernard Floater has refused to accept Alyson Stoner’s challenge to a hip-hop dance battle. He does not believe she’s improved much since her stint in Missy Elliot’s music videos, and as such, is not worth his time. Instead, he has elected to do…this. Baron HaddockMore Posts

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