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Businessman shoots himself to avoid smalltalk with the office cleaner!

Businessman shoots himself to avoid smalltalk with the office cleaner!

Smalltalk costs lives In a desperate attempt to avoid smalltalk with the office cleaner a man in Buffalo Texas shot himself in the face with a magnum .44 calibre pistol yesterday evening. Bob Krantz 51, financial director, was pronounced dead at the scene on account of the fact that most of his head was missing. […]

Fred Phelps said to be picketing at the Gates of Heaven

Fred Phelps, the funeral-picketing visionary of anti-homosexual bigotry in America, has passed into the afterlife. Sadly for him, there seem to be a ton of gay people there. As such, Phelps has set himself up on a little tuft of clouds besides Heaven’s gates where he is screaming at people on the entrance queue and […]

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Sylvia Browne is having trouble contacting herself in the afterlife

Being a world-renown psychic isn’t easy. You must be a completely giftless person who is both willing to make wildly inaccurate statements and have the ability to shrug off all criticism when your horseshit is taken to task. If you possess these abilities and can also commit securities fraud, you’re probably Sylvia Browne. A notoriously […]

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Ted Turner will prove God exists by “donkey punching him in the afterlife”

Ted Turner is the maverick entrepreneur who will put his size 16’s through the pearly gates and read Marilyn Manson’s autobiography aloud while making the one true God suck his cock on the backs of angels. If you don’t believe this to be true, obviously you don’t know Ted Turner very well. He’s wrestled yaks. […]

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Budget ‘Assisted Suicide’ Clinic makes Death Affordable for Everyone!

It seems nothing is sacred these days, not even assisted suicide.  One un-named Serial entrepreneur claims his new budget assisted suicide service will make death more accessible to the masses. “We put the YOU into euthanasia!” He announced confidently. Two Haddock reporters were given exclusive access to the new program, they have since been replaced and […]

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Haddock Headstones #1

Haddock Headstones #1

Baron HaddockMore Posts

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Stormy Nethers

A man in Whitstable has died from a bowel tornado.  Police were called to the  Loaf & Fetlock Inn, on Twinkle Hill in the early hours of yesterday morning where they found the remains  Benny Twogg-Pumphrey were found spread over a wide area.  It is believed that a vacuum formed somewhere inside his lower intestine […]

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Gone and Forgotten

The Haddock is sad to announce the sad death of Mr Frank…  Mr Nesbit, who suffered from a rare disorder of not being able to finish any sentence he started, died aged…  It is thought the affliction was caused by post traumatic stress disorder after World War…  A popular member of the local community, he […]

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The King’s Leech Dies aged 94!

Nathaniel, a leech belonging to King George VI has died at the age of 94 only hours before its 95th birthday. The annelid was believed to have passed away peacefully surrounded by members of the royal family including Prince Edward on who’s blood it had gorged itself only hours earlier. The Prince, who was Nathaniel’s least […]

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Death of the Lilywhites!

Environmentalists have spoken of their concern after a shock report commissioned by DEFRA suggested that one of Britain ’s most iconic species’, the Lily Livered White Boy, will be extinct in the UK within the next ten years. The breed, characterised by its nasally call, thick black spectacles, stick-thin build and side parting is understood […]

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