Home » Archives by category » Haddock Politics (Page 2)
Political Correctness responsible for UKIP

Political Correctness has admitted today (stood outside his London home) that he is ultimately responsible for the rise of UKIP. UKIP (a collective celebrating the stuff that drunk people say but regret the next day) was born the night after a party thrown for Mr Correctness in a Chelsea Loft during the early 1990’s. ‘The […]

Continue reading …
Harrison Ford’s injury on Star Wars set prompts stricter Spacecraft regulations

Yesterday actor Harrison Ford was injured on the set of Star Wars Episode VII. The injury was due to a malfunctioning door hatch on his ship the Millennium Falcon, and also because he is quite old. Ford was airlifted to an area hospital, even though that hospital was within walking distance. Most medical experts believe […]

Continue reading …
Joe Biden denies Dolphin support to Ukraine

The US Navy has been deployed to the Black Sea in order to aid Ukraine against Russian attack. However, the US Government will not lend use of it’s Elite Dolphin Attack Force, as they are the best friends of Vice President Joe Biden. “The Vice President has made it clear that our assistance to the […]

Continue reading …
The ‘League of Dick Shaped Islands’ welcomes its Newest Member!

The League of Dick Shaped Islands (LDSI), a body who represent the inhabitants of all tracts of land surrounded by water that resemble male genitalia, are proud to welcome their newest member Bering Island a small lonely island in the Bering Sea. Bering Island is 56 miles long, 15 miles wide and is shaped like […]

Continue reading …
Geologists Say Scottish Independence is Unlikely

In order to allow Scotland to separate fully from England an earthquake of unparalleled magnitude would be required. Despite his considerable size, even if you were to drop Alex Salmond from the edge of the atmosphere and he collided exactly with the border it would only provide 17%  of the fifty million kilotons of energy required to divide the […]

Continue reading …
Canadian Border Control will not let Dave Mustaine’s hair exit the country

First kicked out of Metallica, now this?! Megadeth front man Dave Mustaine is in a custody battle over the rockin’-ass fuck-you locks that grow freely from his brilliant skull. He’s at the Canadian border. Things are sucking in general right now. “Mr. Mustang is not under arrest or being detained specifically, but his hair is […]

Continue reading …
Grilled Cheese Sandwich to run for Mayor of Austin, Texas

Hot off the Panini Press! With the Supreme Court’s recent ruling that all people have the right to spend an unlimited amount of money on political campaign contributions, one man has ceased the opportunity to enact legitimate change in his community. That man is Gerald Kindler: a multimillionaire, and newly appointed Chief of Staff for […]

Continue reading …
Angry Birds begin bombardment of NSA HQ

Enough is enough, the Angry Birds have taken the fight back to the NSA. News that the NSA have been hacking into the program and collecting the personal data of various birds and gamers proved too much for the wingless Finnish stars. The NSA team was believed to be searching for information pertaining to a […]

Continue reading …
Chris Christie created Job title for the Dude who gets his Video Games!

The deep probings of New Jersey governor Chris Christie’s bridge burning scandal have uncovered several shocking revelations. Among them is that Christie eats while showering, but is that really a revelation? More shocking might be that he made up a taxpayer-funded job at the Port Authority for the guy who fetches his Playstation 4 games. […]

Continue reading …
US Army Major relieved of position due to embarrassing Fist-bump

US Major General Michael Carey went to Russia, got hammered, bothered everyone, and attempted to stuff his balls into an oboe. For all intents and purposes, a stellar representation of America’s foreign policy. Carey’s dignified position would soon be jeopardized however, due to a faux pas that, under certain interpretations of the Constitution, is tantamount […]

Continue reading …