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For 8 minutes, Healthcare.gov sold car insurance

Since its launch, Healthcare.gov has had problems. Many of those involve the fact that health care (as in “Healthcare”) was not being properly administered (as in “.gov”). Solution? As Don Draper would say: change the conversation. So for 8 minutes yesterday, Healthcare.gov decided to sell car insurance. Apparently the glitch occurred when an IT contractor […]

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$5 Million offered to anyone who can successfully govern an African nation

Do you have what it takes to lead? Do you have any idea how central management works? Have you personally seen the corpses of starved children and people hacking each other’s limbs off with machetes for no discernible reason? If you’ve answered yes to any or none of these questions, $5 million could be yours! […]

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Congress votes to eliminate Blue from the Visible Color Spectrum

It’s the latest Government Shutdownmagedon, Charlie Brown! Lawmakers on both sides of the aisle have been working tirelessly to accomplish absolutely no compromise, and making great strides towards that goal. So much so, that they done shut down the whole damn country. One of the little-known aspects the government furlough is that part of the […]

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High Alert! North Korea Tests MDMA-Bomb

An area the size of Belgium was transformed into a giant love-in yesterday afternoon after North Korea detonated a bomb loaded with liquid ecstasy. The weapon, considered to be more tactically devastating than a nuclear warhead, is capable of reducing even the most battle hardened and ferocious fighting force into rabble of dancing flakes who […]

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Sherpas called in to scale The Shard for no reason

Tall buildings with odd shapes are standard staples in the first world. They say “hey, look at what this country can do!” and “suck it, Dubai!” With things going relatively well in England, David Cameron has commissioned a scaling of Europe’s largest hunk of architecture, The Shard. Approximately £500,000 worth of commissioned, in the form […]

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Anthony Weiner’s penis to run for City council

With all the expose it’s been getting and it’s owner’s poll numbers dwindling, disgraced numbskull politician Anthony Weiner’s penis has announced its intentions to seek a position on the New York City Council. “I definitely think he’s got a great shot. He’s doing very well polling,” claims the penis’s chief of staff. Currently the penis, […]

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Kate Middleton baby factory ready to unveil the Heir 1!

English people the world over wait with bated to get a glimpse of the latest in monarchical luxury: The Duchess of Cambridge signature series Heir 1 human infant! Paddling the Royal birth canal! The newly designed, scientifically engineered heir to the British crown jewels is just entering its final stages of production. Any hour now, […]

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David Cameron is afraid of his own penis

As they say in Senegal, “ah-sali un ko’koasalisi umk kokoa vas,” or “today is a beautiful day for shit rain.” This is of course a reference to the fact that water pollution causes the clouds to rain turd in that country. Senegal was kind enough to send some of their clouds over to this country […]

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Michele Bachmann determined to spank Obama’s ass

Remember Michele Bachmann? We don’t. Okay that’s not entirely true: we remember that she sort of ran for president, that she might’ve been a witch, that she hates touching her vagina privately, and that her husband is definitely, 100% certified not gay. That husband of hers hasn’t seen a cock besides his own since grade […]

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George Osbourne: All Politics to be Axed in Money Saving Exercise!

  Tomorrow Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne will announce a radical new way to save money and the health service in one fell swoop. From tomorrow onwards, all government policies and politics will be banned. Politicians will simply be required to go to the House of Commons every day and point out how crap […]

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