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Sherpas called in to scale The Shard for no reason

Tall buildings with odd shapes are standard staples in the first world. They say “hey, look at what this country can do!” and “suck it, Dubai!” With things going relatively well in England, David Cameron has commissioned a scaling of Europe’s largest hunk of architecture, The Shard. Approximately £500,000 worth of commissioned, in the form […]

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Anthony Weiner’s penis to run for City council

With all the expose it’s been getting and it’s owner’s poll numbers dwindling, disgraced numbskull politician Anthony Weiner’s penis has announced its intentions to seek a position on the New York City Council. “I definitely think he’s got a great shot. He’s doing very well polling,” claims the penis’s chief of staff. Currently the penis, […]

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Kate Middleton baby factory ready to unveil the Heir 1!

English people the world over wait with bated to get a glimpse of the latest in monarchical luxury: The Duchess of Cambridge signature series Heir 1 human infant! Paddling the Royal birth canal! The newly designed, scientifically engineered heir to the British crown jewels is just entering its final stages of production. Any hour now, […]

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David Cameron is afraid of his own penis

As they say in Senegal, “ah-sali un ko’koasalisi umk kokoa vas,” or “today is a beautiful day for shit rain.” This is of course a reference to the fact that water pollution causes the clouds to rain turd in that country. Senegal was kind enough to send some of their clouds over to this country […]

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Michele Bachmann determined to spank Obama’s ass

Remember Michele Bachmann? We don’t. Okay that’s not entirely true: we remember that she sort of ran for president, that she might’ve been a witch, that she hates touching her vagina privately, and that her husband is definitely, 100% certified not gay. That husband of hers hasn’t seen a cock besides his own since grade […]

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George Osbourne: All Politics to be Axed in Money Saving Exercise!

  Tomorrow Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne will announce a radical new way to save money and the health service in one fell swoop. From tomorrow onwards, all government policies and politics will be banned. Politicians will simply be required to go to the House of Commons every day and point out how crap […]

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“Austerity” tops German baby names list

Austerity (Sparmaßnahmen); the watchword of economic recovery according to Angela Merkel has topped the German baby name charts for the first time. Whilst it is moderately popular in the UK it has still been superceded by the far more popular “Whatever.” Unsurprisingly it isn’t too popular in Greece, Spain, Italy, Ireland or France. Their most popular names […]

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Today in Egypt, less is Morsi!

Egyptians and the rest of the world are going to be seeing a significant reduction in the amount of Mohammad Morsi they’re going to be seeing as the country’s president. Yes, Mr. Morsi has been put on house arrest by the Egyptian military. It’s especially unfortunate, as the now former president lives in a chicken […]

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Edward Snowden Accidentally Buys an Asylum!

Edward Snowden; Asylum Landlord!   Bungling hyper-nerd; Edward Snowden is a now a man of property it seems! Having snuck out of his besieged hotel at a Russian airport disguised as an iPhone he made straight for the black market (held in the street next door every Tuesday weather permitting). Once there he handed over […]

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Obama will not scramble eggs for Snowden

Well he sneaks around the world, from Hong Kong over to Russia. Then he hops a plane to Cuba on his way to Ecuador. He’s known around the globe, as the information hustler. Tell me: where in the world is Whistleblowin’ Snowden? Alright fine, it was a lame attempt at reworking the Carmen Sandiego theme […]

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