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Malaria vaccine to contain Bon Jovi lyrics

Bon Jovi lyrics can explode the brains of mosquitoes, this is old news but did you know they can also kill viruses? Scientists found that although the Kiss lyric ‘If life is a stereo turn up to ten’ caused vomiting and nausea in white mice and various invertebrates and this line from Heart: ‘I told […]

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Kansas doctor looks to the bright side of Gunshot wounds

“Not all gunshot injuries are fatal. In fact, sometimes they’re down-right hilarious!” This is the position of Dr. Milton Wolf, a Kansas radiologist who is known as “the Patch Adams of firearm trauma.” Dr. Wolf is known for his playful approach to treating patients with bullet holes in them. “For instance, where you see an […]

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Volcano erupts Jelly Beans!

Finally Some Good News! The Mexican volcano Popocatepetl (or “Popo”) has been situated in silence at Mexico City’s border for years. Perhaps sensing the phenomenal violence and poverty the nation continues to face, Popo decided to give back to the community by erupting in jelly beans! Truly it was a heavenly shower of chewy jelly […]

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Scientists Successfully Clown a Sheep!

They said it wasn’t possible to turn a farm animal into a circus entertainer but they were wrong. The dissenters will be forced to eat their words, just like the guy who said that Delorean had poor build quality and that democracy wouldn’t work in Afghanistan! Bozo the sheep is the first of a new generation […]

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Diplo-Dockers! Container Port Attacked by Dinosaurs!

Felixstowe container port in Suffolk, currently ranked as the 35th largest in the world, has been attacked by dinosaurs.  Police attended the site in the early hours of the morning after reports of a disturbance involving gigantic prehistoric lizards. Initially believing the call to be a hoax they sent Bob Farley, Suffolk’s oldest policeman. Bob was eaten at 3.15am (according […]

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Scientists discover how vaporise Tax-payers money!

Answering Obvious Questions There are many good scientists in the world, but their reputation is being tainted by a small group of undesirables who seem to be blowing huge amounts of public money on hypothesis which are just common sense. In a recent study scientists were apparently able to prove that smiling improves happiness. The […]

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Italy goes skeleton prodding to track down Mona Lisa!

Italy is a land of many secrets. Pasta; how did it become flat? Political parties; are they grown in cloning laboratories? The Vatican; what goes on in there then? Italian scientists are attempting to bring one of those mysteries from darkness to light. Their process involves sifting through a number of skeletons and occasionally prodding […]

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Every Athlete on planet earth is doping

The International Sporting Alliance has announced that all sporting events will here-further be canceled due to the astonishing revelation that every athlete in every sport everywhere has been using performance enhancing drugs. From their headquarters in the notoriously sportless nation of Switzerland, ISA chairman Ander Sluutervik briefed the press: “After redefining the definition of doping, […]

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Hubble Telescope discovers Fabergé egg planet!

Finally, a good use for that thing! The Hubble Telescope has found the fabled bejeweled planet Arpaethia, better known as the Fabergé egg of the galaxy. Arpaethia called this due to it’s shimmering diamond surface, stained glass raindrops, and the fact that it is owned by the Duchess of Comoros. Though the planet was officially […]

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Welsh Scientists perfect the Human Threesome!

We’ve all been there; a perfectly lovely evening at a friends house turns into a threesome with his wife. Your buddy enjoys sharing and promises no gay stuff, the meal was good, Arsenal loses…everything seems to be going really well. Then a week later, you faint while finding out that your friend’s wife is pregnant. […]

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