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WWE Repossesses Kamala’s legs

WWE Repossesses Kamala’s legs

Former professional wrestler Kamala has fallen on hard times as of the last 20 years. This is mainly due to the fact that he is a kind, well-meaning person, or as they are known in the wrestling world, “Vince McMahon Crudités.” Kamala has wrestled some of the most well-known and highest-paid performers in the industry. […]

David Moyes to replace Nick Clegg

David Moyes doesn’t understand politics – Perfect! David Moyes has been kicked out of Manchester United because he apparently doesn’t understand his job, Nick Clegg is still leader of the Liberal Democrats despite being in exactly the same predicament. Vince Cable has hit upon a plan to gently removed the confused little imp from power […]

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Drinking Athlete’s Piss causes weight loss!

‘Subjects forced to drink a glass of athlete’s piss before each meal demonstrated a significant drop in calorific intake as a result and therefore lost weight.’ Said Dr David Wilkes of the Utah dietary research unit at a press conference yesterday. It has long been surmised that athlete’s urine keeps working once they have finished […]

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Roy Hodgson to experiment with Crack!

England manger Roy Hodgson has been experimenting with his team, but  having failed dismally he’s on course to experiment with hard drugs. Having watched, with interest, the progress of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Mr Hodgson is said to be impressed  by his tactics. Ford who, with the possible exception of Silvio Berlusconi, is the most […]

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Pregnant Baseball players must give birth On-field

Take Me Out At The Ballgame! Last Monday, Major League Baseball player Daniel Murphy of the New York Mets went into labor and gave birth to his first child. Naturally, once Murphy’s water broke, he was immediately rushed to the nearest hospital and placed on automatic paternity leave. This led to some critics voicing disagreement […]

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Sochi will be ready for Winter Olympics sometime in mid-April

A great fracas has exploded across the internet regarding Sochi’s Olympic readiness. The bourgeois western media seems to have taken exception to the fact that, though the games have already begun, much of the area still resembles a town on the tail-end of a tornado recovery. Oh, your hotel room doesn’t have running water? A […]

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Did Chris Weidman replace Anderson Silva’s leg with a pool noodle at UFC 168?

UFC 168: Noodle-gate! Prior to the rematch between Chris Weidman and Anderson Silva at UFC 168, the fight was essentially being billed as Weidman v. Silva II: Silva’s Redemption. The highly-praised and respected former champion was to cut his signature showboating act, regain his title, and set the MMA universe back into proper alignment. Instead, […]

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Sachin Tendulkar once shat in Public!

Tendulkar: it’s Hindi for Cricket! Sachin Tendulkar is that rare breed of athlete: he’s is the absolute best at what he does, he’s a gentleman in the streets, and he’s a freak in the sheets. By all accounts he’s the total package, beloved by every Indian person alive, and to top it all off he […]

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Lance Armstrong Presents: Ampheta-Horse!

Accepting, for a moment, that Lance Armstrong has about as much chance of making a comeback into the sporting world as Rudolf Hess running a bagel stall in Central Park, he’s finally accepted that a career change may be in order. Using the slogan ‘If you can’t beat em, cheat em!’ he is working with […]

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Richie Incognito ordered to undergo balloon therapy

Bullying is real. Carpeting is real. Fake flowers are real, insomuch as that they exist. Schrödinger flowers both exist and don’t exist at the same time. Bullying hurts. If you’re a bully, you’re an asshole. This goes double for people who are paid an exorbitant amount of money to run around and jump on each […]

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