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F1’s Max Mosley wins Amateur AVN Award for Nazi Sex Orgy

He’s old, he likes fast cars, he speaks perfect German, and apparently his dick still works. Max Mosley: Englishman with attitude. Another thing the former Formula 1 chief can add to his list of accolades is an Amateur Adult Video Network (AVN) Award for his leading role in Nazi Sex Orgy (2008), a film he […]

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PGA golfer ejected from NHL hockey game

On Saturday, the 5th day of October 2013, the Florida Panthers played some of the most amazingly horrible hockey the world has ever witnessed. It was a near performance art* level of sloppiness: they fumbled passes, blew chances, got penalty after penalty, and oh yeah, never scored a single goal against their opponents the St. […]

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Man stalked by sentient gym equipment

Todd Coefeld is a reasonably in-shape man; not a body builder or triathlete, but he can see his toes and pull a broad under the right circumstances. Enjoys a jog, handy with a lawnmower. This is why it is so curious that Mr. Coefeld seems to be the victim of an aggravated stalking campaign. By […]

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Arsene Wenger: “Haircare takes precedence over acquiring star players”

Arsenal FC’s manager Arsene Wenger has a number of problems that extend far past the loving bad bitches. One of them is his decision to forgo recruiting star players in favor of expanding the team’s haircare and styling faculties. Also he has been photographed dangling carrots in front of Yohan Cabaye’s face, but seems consensual […]

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Every Athlete on planet earth is doping

The International Sporting Alliance has announced that all sporting events will here-further be canceled due to the astonishing revelation that every athlete in every sport everywhere has been using performance enhancing drugs. From their headquarters in the notoriously sportless nation of Switzerland, ISA chairman Ander Sluutervik briefed the press: “After redefining the definition of doping, […]

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John Paul II to be made a New Orleans Saint

John Paul II, former guy from Poland who would later become the Pope, has now been made an official Saint. Granting his sainthood, team owner Tom Benson chanted a few phrases in Greek, then said: “It is a great honor to welcome such an awesome dude and Pope, John Paul the Sequel, into the New […]

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Aaron Hernandez hires Shyne to do murder bid

Besides being a relatively decent football player, Aaron Hernandez is apparently gangsta as shit. This is evidenced by the fact that he’s now possibly killed two people, and then a third to cover up for the first two. He also killed a turkey once just to do it. Wasn’t even planning on eating it. Reports […]

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Michael Vick cancels book tour after death threats from Dogs

NFL quarterback Michael Vick is a noted animal lover, in the sense that he loves to see animals rip each other to bloody shreds. Before going to prison, Vick was considered the Don King of animal fighting. Vick’s gravitas in the field yielded the world’s first possum Thunderdome tournament, and the first-ever sea turtle match […]

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Australian Athlete has Kangaroo Legs!

It looks like the Australian Sporting drugs scandal is just the tip of the iceberg. For years Australian athletes have been some of the worlds best. This is due, in no small part, to the fact that the swimmers have to be able to out swim sharks, the runners must be able to avoid snakes, […]

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Murray Australian Open Success would spell an end to dream of Scottish Independence!

 Sorry Scotland, he’s too bloody successful! Any hopes of a flourishing independent Scotland living off the spoils of whiskey, shortbread, tartan and oil faded into nothingness yesterday as their favourite son Andy Murray blasted his way into the Australian Open filnal. If Mr Murray were to win the tournament his income would be sufficient to […]

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